A Moment of Silence: 1.12.26 · HER Calm/Confident Collective

A Moment of Silence: 1.12.26

Today, my 43-year-old stepdaughter was laid to rest on scared ground. She passed last week, one day before my 61st birthday. Her funeral was yesterday, a day after the 41st anniversary of my daughter's birthday. My precious pumpkin that passed 31 years ago. To say that this past week, albeit this new year has come in rough for me is an understatement.

There are many thoughts that are traveling through my mind right now. The full life that was lost by Crystal Denise at 10 years old and the unfinished one lost by Chanaya Nicole, a widow, who leaves three children and a host of family and friends. Both were beautiful on the inside and out. Both were humble, to whom people gravitated to and enjoyed being around. Both had beautiful smiles and hearts of gold.

As I remember these beautiful souls, I can't help but the cry. I've been crying since the news of the passing a little over a week ago. Actually, I've been crying on/off for 31 years. But today the tears hit differently. I keep asking myself and GOD why are the children dying before their parents? This is not the natural order of things. I am not calm enough right now to hear or see the answer. It shall come in time.

In this stage of my life, speaking to myself and others about calm and clarity, doesn't mean that storms are not going to arise. It doesn't mean that you will not be challenged. It doesn't mean that there will not be moments of temporary breakdowns, where your consentience has fallen and all resolve broken. Where rivers of tears are flowing without end, as mine have for the past week. When your mind goes to places it shouldn't. Where you have to muster all the faith, you have to bring yourself back to sanity. Back to clarity.

In all this grief, there is a small ray of sunshine in that the girls, who were friends in their childhood, have been reunited.

I paused, for just a moment, on whether to share this deeply personal issue here with the community. The community is new and fresh and has all the bells and whistles. It's still shiny and has promise. But on the other end, it is safe. It is comforting. I should be allowed to share as much or as little as I want. And maybe right now, I need a virtual hug because my heart is broken.

This is not a measuring line for anyone here. This is just a mom sharing her heart. Pulling herself back to her calm and confident self to tackle the world tomorrow. Because it awaits me.

One tear at a time.

One moment at a time.

One breath at a time.

#prayformyfamily

#calmandconfidentcollective

#womenoverfortyfiftysixty

#coachdorothyrenee

#amomentofsilence

#crystaldenise

#chanayanicole

#Goddaughters

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