Journal Entry · Beautiful Mind

Journal Entry

I just pulled myself out of unconscious behaviors by finally bringing awareness to them.

I could feel the judgement starting to arise, the thoughts begining to cycle, my energy began to decrease inside and slowly I could feel myself shrinking.

My reflection in the mirror started to grey and suddenly I was focused on each and every perceived negative aspect of my body - my back began hurting, I was unconsciously pushing myself down and diming my own light.

For what?

I was about to go for a walk - after I had been dancing and creating and flowing alone in my room BUT the moment I decided to go out and be seen in “society” it was like a tidal wave of judgement came rushing over me.

I was no longer looking at myself through my own loving lens. The moment I thought about being seen, the pressures and expectations and judgements from culture washed over me and I was viewing myself from a manipulated perspective.

When I caught myself, I paused. I looked myself in the eyes and smiled. I had seen the process, I had been gifted the perspective of awareness and now had insight into a learned judgement that I believed was coming from me but in reality was a manipulated blurry whisper from a culture keeping me caged. Keeping us caged.

Y’all, I DID IT! I am actually beginning to feel things shifting for the first time in my life. I am gaining awareness. I am becoming the witness to my mind. I am stepping outside the confines of my one sided perspective and actually beginning to bring my subconscious patterns into conscious awareness.

This is just the beginning. Thank you for witnessing me.

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