Most of us grew up hearing “Don’t tattle.” And to be fair, it usually came from a very human place. When as a parent you’ve listened to ten arguments before lunch about who sat where or who touched whose Lego, you just want a break from the sibling broadcast. But kids don’t hear “stop tattling” the way we mean it. Where we’re saying, “Please stop reporting every tiny thing,” they often hear, “Adults don’t want to hear problems.” That’s the part that matters. Because kids don’t yet know which problems are small and which ones actually need an adult. They learn that from us through every little interaction, not just the big conversations. Instead of shutting things down with “Don’t tattle,” try something like: “Is this something I need to know?” It’s simple, and it teaches them three things at once: 1. Pause and think. 2. Decide if the issue is small or serious. 3. Know that you’re always open to hearing it. That last one is the most important. You want your child to grow up believing they can come to you, even if they’re not sure how big the issue is. That belief is one of their strongest safety tools. Now Let’s Talk About Secrets Parents often say, “This is our little secret,” about harmless things. A treat you got together, a surprise outing, a fun moment you don’t want turned into sibling drama. Totally normal. But here’s the part we don’t often think about. Kids don’t understand categories of secrets the way adults do. Adults think: “This is harmless, no big deal.” Kids think: “Sometimes I keep things from others if an adult asks me to.” That’s the exact behaviour predators leverage. Not by scaring the child, but by mimicking the same dynamic the child already knows. Shared secrecy, special attention, a sense of “this is just between us” Predators don’t create new behaviour, they exploit the patterns kids already understand. The Fix Is Simple. Surprises, Not Secrets A powerful rule you can put in place right away is: “In our family, we don’t keep secrets, only surprises.”

For many people, the word “abuser” still conjures up a particular image. Someone visibly strange, menacing, socially isolated, or overtly predatory. This belief is comforting, because it suggests danger will look obvious and announce itself. The reality, however, is far more unsettling. The individuals who harm children most often do not exist on the fringes of society. They exist firmly within it. Child abusers frequently lead lives that, on the surface, appear entirely ordinary. They have careers, families, routines, social circles, and responsibilities. They attend barbecues, volunteer at events, coach sports teams, go to church, hold respected positions in workplaces, and interact with neighbours in a way that gives no outward indication of harm. They blend into the background of everyday life, and it is this ability to appear “normal” that often provides them with access, opportunity, and trust. There is no single profile that accurately describes a sexual predator. They may be male or female. They may be young adults, middle-aged, or elderly. They may be wealthy, struggling financially, highly educated, or poorly educated. They may belong to any race, culture, or belief system. Their employment may range from high-level professional positions to casual work, volunteer roles, or unemployment. Some hold positions of authority or responsibility over children, such as teachers, coaches, youth leaders, carers, and family members. Others appear as kind, helpful neighbours or the friend “everyone likes.” This diversity is exactly why profiling fails so often. It directs attention toward a fictitious stereotype instead of the complex, hidden reality. What is deeply confronting for many families is the fact that most offenders are not strangers. Research consistently shows that the majority of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child already knows, trusts, or is connected to in some way. In many cases, this person is a relative, family friend, step-parent, older sibling, babysitter, or someone within the family’s extended social circle. The betrayal in these situations cuts deep because the harm is inflicted through a channel of trust. Children do not instinctively view familiar people as threats. They view them as safe, protective, or at the very least, non-threatening. That assumption is what predators exploit.

In my years working in child safety and self-defence education, there is one simple practice that consistently stands out as both underestimated and incredibly powerful. Teaching children the correct anatomical names for their body parts. On the surface, it may seem like a small detail. Just a matter of language. In reality, it is a foundational layer of awareness, protection, confidence, and self-respect that can follow a child throughout their entire life. Teaching correct anatomical language is not simply an educational exercise. It is a protective strategy. It is an empowerment tool. It is a confidence builder. It is a way of telling children, without ever needing to say the words directly, “You have a right to understand yourself, protect yourself, and speak your truth.” I completely understand why this can feel awkward for you as a parent, carer, or educator. Many of us were raised in households where body parts weren’t openly named, where questions were brushed off, or where the topic was wrapped in discomfort, jokes, or silence. That conditioning doesn’t just disappear because we become adults. It sits quietly in the background and shows up the moment we consider saying the words out loud to a child. If you ever find yourself thinking, “This feels weird to say,” I encourage you to ask a simple question: Is it actually weird… or is it just unfamiliar? There is a big difference. And unfamiliarity is not a reason to avoid something that can protect your child. Children who understand the correct names for their body parts develop a clearer relationship with their own physical selves. Their body becomes something real, understandable, and worthy of care. This sense of familiarity fosters ownership. It sends a quiet but important message: "This is my body, and I am allowed to understand it." That awareness alone is a critical pillar of self-protection. A child who knows what their body is and how it functions is more likely to notice when something is wrong, uncomfortable, or inappropriate.