**Trigger warning: this post makes reference to depression and suicide/suicidal thoughts** We’re shit at communicating. Today in reading about another untimely passing in sport, this time of Robin Smith, I came across an article that spoke of his struggles with his mental health which started after being dropped by England, where in his own words, a change of management meant he lost the support network he’d built up previously. Added to this loss of routine, certainty and control, he went through a long battle against drinking, a divorce after a long marriage, 2 attempts on his own life and just recently being told his partner had a low chance of surviving her illness. The first thing that struck me as particularly poignant were these words: ‘My brother Chris and son Harrison were called in by doctors (after being admitted to hospital with cirrhosis of the liver) and told I had a five per cent chance of walking out. 'Drinking a bottle of vodka a day for 12 years obviously didn’t do the liver much good. The trauma brought home how he had worn a mask during his career, living up to a persona that wasn’t him, to the extent of answering mainly to a nickname, ‘Judgie’, given to him as a youngster because his crinkly hair resembled a lawyer’s wig. ‘It was always really difficult, because people know Judgie as Judgie, and I’m Robin. Robin Smith. "The Judge was a fearless warrior; Robin Arnold Smith was a frantic worrier," That someone who revelled in facing some of the fastest, shortest bowling from intimidating bowlers to say that he was a frantic worrier shows to me how our subconscious is adept at creating personalities to deal with situations in life – situations that are often different to our true, original persona. In creating these personalities, our subconscious is trying to meet our core human needs by helping to ensure our survival in the moment. One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to sit down and discover which characters and personalities has our subconsciously created (and continues to create) in our lives. Each character is doing something for us, whether we know it or not, and often all our characters needs is recognition and compassion for what they are doing, even if we don’t readily like them. When we map ourselves out in this manner, we begin to realise the means of repairing our self worth.

Why I feel so much anger that I want to cry but I can let it out. I will just want to cry and scream right now. So I am isolated myself in my room where I don't talk much to my parent. Listen to music and doing a bit of my diamond art. How could I let go that anger in me?

Here my testimonial video of the 10 week with @Vishad Doshi and i really enjoy doing because it unblock me and made me understand myself more

I had a nice walk in the nature this morning for 2h 29 minute and just listen to wind blowing and seeing the nice color leave on the tree but the wind is blowing them down and did it in15.49km it was a chilly start only 9 degrees Celsius so I had my headband and my small glove on this morning with my hoodie.

How can I tell my ex that i am done and have enough and doing it respectfully plus not rude because he want to talk and I don't know what to tell him or that I don't want to talk to him since I didn't talk to him for 3 days and my body is super calm??? Or should I talk to him tonight see what he want because he told me that he didn't block me he was off facebook