Stop Asking āWhatās Your Favoriteā¦?ā
We throw around questions like: - Whatās your favorite food? - Whatās your favorite movie? - Whatās your favorite book? And we do it with good intentions. Youāre trying to break the ice, get people talking, and help them connect. Thatās why these questions pop up in community welcome posts, event warm-ups, and even job applications. Hereās the problem: they donāt actually work like you hope they will. Most people give you a canned answer ā the same thing theyāve said dozens of times before. And when they do, theyāre not emotionally or intellectually involved. Their brain doesnāt light up. Theyāre not laughing, reflecting, or really letting you in. Theyāre just checking the box and moving on. And for neurodivergent folks like me, these broad questions trigger something called literal thinking. My brain immediately starts spinning: Do you mean my favorite food of all time? Or just a favorite food this week? Do you mean my favorite movie to watch alone, or with friends, or at Christmas? By the time Iāve sorted through all that, the momentās already stressful, not connecting. So instead of building trust, sparking conversation, or pulling people in, you end up with surface-level replies or people freezing up. If you want genuine engagement, you need to ask questions that actually activate people ā questions that make them think a little, laugh a little, or share something they wouldnāt normally say. Thatās where real connection happens. Try narrowing the question: - Whatās your go-to pizza topping? - What movie do you always re-watch in winter? - Whatās a book you canāt help recommending to other people? See the difference? Specific questions break people out of autopilot and invite real participation. They create the moments you were hoping for all along ā moments of thought, humor, and connection. š When you ask new members to introduce themselves, whatās a better question you could include that would spark real conversation?