This one is a favorite...I mean, it's not a favorite, but it's one that I've leaned into often.... Intellectual bypassing is when someone uses thinking, analysis, concepts, or abstract language to avoid directly experiencing emotion. It looks intelligent, it feels insightful, and often it IS insightful. Because of this, it's often one of the most socially rewarded forms of emotional bypassing. Light science: The prefrontal cortex (logic, analysis) overrides limbic activation (emotion).You regulate by explaining instead of experiencing. Instead of feeling the emotions, we end up kind of analyzing them/talking about them and trying to 'figure out' WHY we feel something instead of ACTUALLY feeling something. We may end up turning vulnerable moments into philosophical/psychological discussions and staying super cool and collected when something actually hurts. I mean...this sounds like a flex, doesn't it? ha. WHY IT DEVELOPS: It's protective. Thinking creates distance and distance creates safety/the illusion of safety (especially if emotions weren't safe in the past). Sometimes it develops as a way to gain/earn approval, a way to maintain control, a way to prevent overwhelm and as a way to help with functioning under stress. Honestly though....thinking feels a lot more powerful than feeling. Feelings feel vulnerable...so the brain may just choose to lean on power. The mind learned that if experiences are understood, they don't have to be felt. Pretty great right? I mean.....That doesn't sound THAT terrible, does it? GOOD NEWS: Intellectualizing can help us stay calm during intense situations. This is great! It can also help us communicate clearly (yay relational harmony!) It can help us make sense of complex experiences (wow, we're so insightful!) And, it can also help us avoid impulsive reactions. This is fantastic because a lot of harm can happen as a result of reactivity as opposed to responding after taking a pause. :) NOT SO GREAT news: Emotions don’t resolve through understanding alone. I'm going to say that again beeecause this took me so so long to understand and although I'm a therapist, sometimes I still struggle with not making intellectualizing a default. Emotions DON'T resolve through understanding alone. They need to be felt physically to complete and they need an actual out (a directed action that makes sense given the emotion).

Ever notice how exhausting it is to be “easygoing”? Not because life is hard — but because you’re constantly managing everyone else’s comfort. Holding your tongue. Softening your truth. Smoothing edges before anyone even notices them. At some point, “keeping the peace” stops being mature and starts being self-erasure. What looks calm on the outside can feel loud and heavy on the inside. That weight? It’s information. 💬 Where are you spending energy staying quiet instead of being honest? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pojL_35QlSI

Greetings fellow empowered beings!! :) As we're approaching this last month, let's take a look at the past year (things we've achieved, lessons we've learned, things we've left behind and added) and let's use that to mobilize us in this next month. Let's use this last month of the year to build momentum and get a running start into 2026. We don't have to wait.... We treat January like it has magical powers when really it is just a month with better PR. Psychologically speaking, December is prime time for momentum building. It is the month where the brain naturally shifts into reflection mode, which means insight is already simmering and it might make it the perfect time to launch! A lot of people experience SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the winter months--- so I think that it's really really important to look at the habits that we engage in and how this either contributes, reinforces or helps ease this effect. (side note--with my clients in Michigan, I start having conversations about this in September because the weather here along with the habits really influence people's experiences for 6 months at a time!! We can't control the weather, BUT we can do things differently). *****So, how are you using December and what are your intentions? *****How will you use this past year as a way to move into the next? Here are some questions to consider as you look back on your past year (questions are part of an AAR (After Action Review). 1. What did we intend to accomplish (what was our strategy)? 2. What did we do (how did we execute relative to our strategy)? 3. Why did it happen that way (why was there a difference between strategy and execution)? 4. What will we do to adapt our strategy or refine our execution for a better outcome OR how do we repeat our success?

In reading "Thinking, Fast and Slow" one of the concepts that stood out was this idea of the experiencing self vs. the remembering self and how the ending or peak moments of a situation can create a bias about the experience as a whole which then contributes to the experiencing self making decisions that are biased and potentially problematic. It actually made me think of @Serena DAfree 's AMAZING group (dafree-community--a group about domestic violence awareness) and maybe how this principle applies to victims that continue coming back to problematic situations. The experiencing self is the you that lives moment to moment. It feels the boredom, the joy, the discomfort, the calm. It exists only in the present. The remembering self is the storyteller. It looks back, edits aggressively, keeps the highlights and the emotional spikes, and then decides what something “was like.” This is the self that answers questions like “Was that trip worth it?” or “Was that relationship good for me?” (To apply it to poor relationships/bad jobs/chaotic dynamics--The experiencing self remembers the stress, the anxiety, the walking-on-eggshells feeling. It knows the situation feels bad while it’s happening. The remembering self, however, edits the footage. It keeps the intense highs, the relief after conflict, the rare good moments, and conveniently blurs the long stretches of discomfort. Then it tells a story like, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “But when it was good, it was really good.” So people go back. Again and again.Not because the situation feels good overall, but because the ending or the peak moments stand out. Your brain weighs the apology, the reunion, the occasional validation more heavily than the daily emotional tax) Most of our decisions are made to satisfy the remembering self, not the experiencing one. That’s why we endure miserable commutes for status, stay in relationships that look good on paper, and chase peak moments instead of daily well-being. The remembering self loves a good story. The experiencing self just wants fewer bad moments.

Imagine starting the new year already centered, energized, and grounded — instead of trying to undo the stress of December. Movement, rest, mindfulness, reading, presence… These are the practices that change how you feel day to day — not quick fixes. What’s one habit you want to rebuild before the year ends?