How I would really like to know God I know Him But not know know Him And I wanna know know Him Sometimes in my prayers I negotiate, I’ve always been a little skeptical, I’ve always wrestled with my faith. I still see God through my nearsightedness and astigmatism. I still don’t understand why Evelio exists, why people suffer, and although smart people tend to believe they know better than God, and the rational thing may sound like stepping away, I want Him. And I wish I had somethign to give Him in return. Poetry, music, being a great talent at something and give it to Him. But I have nothing. Nothing to offer Him. “He just wants your heart” and He has it, but it’s broken and dirty. I cannot even promise Him my obedience because even that I ask Him for, to give me obedience. I could give Him my time but I’m terrible managing it. All I can offer is my tears. That maybe if Ge wants someone to cry with, He could cry with me. But I want to Know Him to. To really know Him, to understand Him better. I hope I get that once day, even though I have nothing in return for Him

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BqoM0qLIPvU&pp=ugUEEgJlbg%3D%3D

July 4 2026 10:14 p.m Stop thinking that I don't provide for you or care about your wants. Yes it's true that you might not always get what you want but that doesn't mean you have to sit in suffering. I provide joys in life, I give you life to the fullest. I take care of BOTH your needs and your wants. You focus on your failures but I see you seeking me despite your wrestle with sin, despite your fleshly desires. Remember that what I call mine is MINE. What God has put together let no man tear apart. That also means the marriage between you and Christ- since your baptism. I take care of what is mine and I'm providing for you. I wouldn't have given you those things if I wasn't taking care of them and you in it. Breathe and know that I am providing for you ever need. Love, The Lord your God- Your Provider.

The last few days I have been feeling a heaviness in my chest. It’s felt so crushing. Tonight it’s a slightly suffocating feeling and it’s been intense. It comes and goes. It feels like a vacuum seal feeling. It’s hard to describe. I would really just appreciate extra prayers 🫂

1 Peter 5:9