Breakthrough Story: From Cold Blooded Escapism to Heart warming Dharma
đ Breakthrough Story: From Escapism to Embodied Dharma 1. Before â The Misfit's Mirror I grew up in a small town where everyone knew each other. Childhood was warm, full of friends and familiar facesâuntil high school, when things began to crack. Genuine friendship became harder to find, and I couldnât look at myself in the mirror without a crushing darkness emerging from within.. I felt like a black sheep in every room. No matter how hard I searched for my tribe, I always ended up the outsiderâtoo sensitive, too curious, too different. At the time, I didnât have the words for it. I just knew I didnât belong to the script others seemed to be following. I sought escape in video games, girls, and pornâimmersing myself in fantasies that felt safer than genuine honest connection. I rejected my feminine energy, silenced my softness, and buried my sadness beneath obsession. 2. Crisis â The Soul Can't Digest What the Mind Denies I tried to fix myself externally. I went to the gym, got stronger, tried to carve a version of myself that could belong. But I burned outâphysically weaker, emotionally numb, and spiritually dry. My body began to rebel. Digestive issues, chronic tension, and anxiety overtook me. It felt like I couldnât digest life itself. Even surrounded by people at university, I felt aloneâlike a ghost wandering through noise. Something was crying out from deep within me. The pain became too loud to ignore. I realized: this wasnât just discomfort. This was a spiritual emergency. My soul was calling me home. 3. Chase â Searching Through Silence I began writing. Journaling became my sacred offering to heal oneself, my altar. Through the daily pages, I started meeting myself as a friendly friend not a deadly foeâin soft slow waves of appreciation.. I immersed myself in the Self-Authoring program by Jordan Peterson. I nosedived into the world of philosophy and psychology âJung, Fromm, Alan Watts. Their words fathered me in a way no one in my life had before. I studied mindfulness, nutrition, and stoicism as. I became obsessed with transformation on my terms.. My pain became a portal into self knowledge. I searched for meaning in every shadow of doubt and ignorance.. Yet underneath, I still feared being seen. I still carried shame for being different.So, I deleted social media. I hid my gifts. I told myself I needed more timeâbut really, I feared rejection.