This is really messed up, and until you're experiencing it, you won't understand. I fell for him, saw the red flags, & ghosted...gone after a few months & 1/2 dozen or fewer dates. Fell into a deep depression & felt lonely. Kept remembering how awesome our 1st date had been and felt different than usual, like a real connection was made. 7 months had gone by & I reached back out, basically chased him. Biggest mistake of my life. Ended up being a traumatizing abusive relationship, It's been 3 1/2 months since finally realizing he was not who he portrayed the 1st date and never would be, got an order of protection and live in fear daily. Wondering if I will ever truly get out of survival mode and heal completely. After letting him & dogs move in my apartment, he became very mentally & physically abusive & would hide cameras unknown to me and record videos. 3 months later we were homeless, 7 months after that my vehicle was impounded (i still owe a lot and couldn't retrieve it). Another 4 months and I attempted suicide, honestly don't know how I survived it. Have a ft job with decent pay & benefits, but after all that....poor credit score, living a check behind, seems like every step forward ends up being another wrong turn and I'm not sure I will ever get myself back or find a stable housing situation. I think I figure something out and it ends up costing more. After my hospitalization, i tried reaching out to much of my family and friends but get no response. I can't have social media, i had to delete all accounts after he put one of those hidden videos as a comment on several of my posts saying lies about me, trying to humiliate me to all of my family & friends. He may have DM'd them with it, I'll never know.I know living in survival mode & constant fear, thinking I won't ever have the life I had b4 letting the epitome of evil in. I wish I would've died. So, I had to walk away from the relationship that felt like the one. Before that, even though I knew ut was over, didn't want him to touch me or even be alone with him. He used prev childhood sexual abuse I had disclosed to him, as a weapon. Leaving me repulsed. But even then, even after the order of protection, I wanted to go back based on HOPE we could have that 1st nite forever. And that hope, almost killed me.

Assess! I have an alarm set! I'm so stoked!

Thank you.

A bit late here. I have committed myself to do atleast 1 task per day in reference to adulting. I am not good at being a responsible adult. I would get mail from the box weekly and never even open it. Just leave it pile up til I threw it away. Well, after losing everything to my own mental health and the DV relationship I entered while depression was extremely difficult. After being homeless and off the grid for over a year, courts show creditors have been trying to sue me, I owe $8000 on my car that got impounded and junked since I couldn't retrieve it, I owe a few years personal property tax so trying to get another way of transportation is out of my reach, my credit score is awful, and I helped him get on his feet only to see he only cared about his own needs when the paycheck hit. I knew it was time to go no contact and had to get an order of protection to get him to leave me alone. I'm struggling to make it and am losing housing again in a few weeks. Hopefully I can get help, even a DV shelter is better than the streets. So, yeah, time to do the work and grow up. I can't get an apartment with my credit score and can't afford rent, utilities, rides, medical expenses, etc. Have lists of resources for possible bankruptcy, housing, etc. And Journaling has helped me immensely in processing everything and listing the priorities. Complete at least 1 task from the list daily. It gets overwhelming sometimes. Phone won't upload a document. Laptop makes me crazy sometimes too, cursor jumping around while typing and having more corrections. It seems in my healing state it takes longer to complete tasks in a normal time limit. I get mad at myself and my emotions get out of control. I have been speaking to myself badly, want to punch myself in the head, break my phone, and smash my laptop. But that would leave me even worse off. Give yourself grace, time to heal, journal, and start small. 1 task a day. It's working

Question. I recently tried a sound spa restoration Gong and Himalayan bowls. I'm processing a lot of trauma currently. I had an adverse reaction to the experience. Supposed to calm and help regulate your nervous system. It put me in survival mode. It was so powerful I couldn't sleep a few days and then was so exhausted passed out sending an email. Will this be more gentle? I'm very curious and have been wanting to experience somatic healing for a few years now. But am a bit nervous on it's effects on a very traumatic mind and body now