I went to catch myself a sunrise yesterday morning. On my way to 'the spot', I noticed a soccer ball sitting alone in the field--there were no people in sight (likely because it was 5:30a.m., ha!). But looking at this ball got me thinking about how we lose things or how we can be 'left behind'. Made me think about how sometimes we fumble things or we are fumbled and through negligence, distraction or to being caught in the crossfire of someone else's stuff (or them being caught in the crossfire of our own stuff) we end up losing things. Sometimes we can recover them but sometimes not. And...Sometimes those things are more important than soccer balls. Funny enough, on my way back from this walk, there were four men that were gently kicking the ball around as they were walking... Perhaps they will also leave the ball behind for different reasons, but it was also a reminder of how being fumbled doesn't have to be the end of the story. --------- Most of us don't lose important relationships because we wake up one day and decide they don't matter. More often, they fade through distraction, neglect, competing priorities, stress, assumptions, or simply the busyness of life. Sometimes it's related to wounds that they/we haven't tended to and we/they end up as collateral damage in something that doesn't even have to do with us/them. We become consumed with our own struggles or focused on someone else's, and before we realize it, something valuable has been left behind. 𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐬. Like muscles, they strengthen through (healthy) use and weaken through disuse or misuse. There are things that keep relationships alive: healthy attention, responsiveness, shared experiences, shared values and visions, shared rhythm of life... Without those, emotional distance can emerge. It's not necessarily through malice (usually it's not), but through impermanence. 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.People change (or, more likely, their focus is more likely to change). Circumstances change. Roles change. What felt effortless at one stage of life may require intention at another (think kids-when a couple could just effortlessly spend time together, now they have to be very intentional about that time).

*Feel free to skip the intro and go into the strategies at the bottom if you'd like!*** ----------------------------------------------- A few weeks ago, I felt like I hit a wall. (That sounds more extra than it is/was). I was looking around at all the things that I wanted to do and how it felt like I wasn't making any progress and also how it felt that forces outside of myself were impeding movement even when I had the energy/motivation/oomph to make things happen. I felt defeated and that is a feeling that I DO NOT experience often and I DID NOT like it one bit. I bounce back, I pivot, I change course, I remain optimistic-perhaps even delusionally so, ha! In short, I show up. I see opportunities for growth and improvement in most situations, so it's hard for me to stay down. I love this about myself so it felt extra challenging when it felt like I was stuck and when it felt like I wasn't myself. Strange feeling. I only remember feeling like this maybe 3 other times in my life. Thankfully, each time, there was a 'cause' or things that I can point to that needed tending to, so experience has taught me that this was solvable but I needed the reminder. (So super thankful for the conversations that I've had recently that helped me with recalibration. Beyond grateful). I also needed to recognize three things: 1) the values that were at play that contributed to me thinking that I had limited options , 2)the expectations and 3)the strategies to employ to get me back to feeling like movement was happening. Look at me being a human being. Who would have thought?! ha. I'm just kidding, I know I'm a human. Below I'm going to focus on some research backed strategies to help with reframing our mindset and keep the momentum alive even when things feel like they're not moving. :) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. 1. 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 "𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐩" 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 "𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐲 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞" First, know that what you’re feeling is actually a normal part of any bold venture.

There are sooo many benefits to being out in nature and noticing things in nature. Go outside and find as many nature related things as you can. A flower blossoming through the side walk, the trees that may be there, birds and other wildlife making their homes, little ants on the ground...Look for the big and look for the small. :) Be truly present with what's in front of you. Check out @Thomas Rua Jr. 's post mother-nature and share your own nature story if you'd like. :) His nature experiences sound beautiful and peaceful. Additionally, I took the last picture from @Dr. Melissa Partaka's blog website where she talks about the past/present/future and our relationship with it. " Learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present." Check it out here: We Have Is Now - The Blueprint Method

Growth has an interesting way of creating friction. Quite frankly, it can be a pain in the butt. But...it can be so incredibly rewarding too. The spaces, routines and sometimes even relationships that once felt comfortable can start to feel restrictive as we change. Sometimes we can think that the growth is actually kind of 'easy' and the hardest part of growth isn't the growing itself but rather it's watching the people around us struggle to adjust to who we're becoming/what we're choosing to spend our time doing. And depending on their reactions (OR our INTERPRETATIONS of their reactions), we can end up feeling threatened and can start feeling defensive. Fight/flight/freeze mode can be activated even though nothing bad is actually happening. Even though good things are happening...and even though good things can happen relationally through the changes. Not everyone will celebrate our growth but the people that truly want the best for us (and for themselves) will. It doesn't mean that they'll go along with us and it might mean that they'll challenge us, but ultimately, there would be support for our wellbeing. Sometimes change can challenge someone else's expectations, expose their own discomfort, or changes a dynamic they've grown accustomed to. It changes the unspoken agreements that exist in relationships. It can challenge the status quo and that can feel threatening but that's a normal part of change. We can't just assume that others will automatically jump on the bandwagon just because we say so. We can't expect that just because we think a change is important that others will think so too. Growth often requires a renegotiating of relationships to some extent. It doesn't mean abandoning them and it does mean giving some grace to others as they process what's happening and as they see how the change fits their lives. They're allowed to have their own feelings about the changes too. One of the better ways of going about this is learning to hold two truths at once (yay dialetics): staying committed to your own development while remaining compassionate toward those affected by it. This doesn't mean that you just give up the change or have others dictate the change, it just means that we consider others as we navigate it. If you're in a committed relationship this becomes a point that can't be skipped if you want the relationship to survive and thrive.

Nature is perhaps one of the more externally calming forces for me. The "pauses" that I take often involve nature in some way. I also have my daily 4a.m. quiet time that helps with grounding the day in gratitude and reflection but nature is usually where I feel the most present. Deep conversations with people that I connect with can also have some similar (but different)effects. These photos/video are all from this past week.. (While I'd recommend just sitting in nature and just taking it in and not thinking about documenting it as there are so many benefits to just being present in nature, this tedtalk talks about some of the cool things that have been discovered as a result of taking pictures) What are the things (internal or external) that are most peaceful for you?