Create stuff and have fun... 😂

Yes - when we try to invision our future all we're doing is painting it with the colors of our past.

mhh, there shouldn't be any problem sharing the feeling under the "I have bad luck" mentality... I mean, it might just be something like "It's just been really hard, I wish these things could happen, but they dont" or like "I feel like I gotta deal with all these crazy things and there is no one I believe i could reach out to for help", maybe "right now life feels kinda crazy for me"... I mean there would be no problem just stating that no? I think people that say "oh don't talk about that, it's so negative" just can't be present with the emotion themselvs. So what, we all have downtimes, there should be no worry about saying that you for example just feel spread really thin. One thing is whining and laying it out on others, another is simple just stating how you are feeling - maybe the thing stressing you out and so forawrd... (I could learn from this too 😂 I have such a hard time just letting myself tell people I'm struggeling or just haivng a hard time. It usually gets pushed away, then the excuse of it being too much or whatever. But then I use that excuse on myself to not share it :D I say to myself "but they will just say they dont wanna hear about it" so then I dont share... I guess it must be just about breaking that habit? I dunno) Anyway! For me, today I gave up on happiness and I feel better. Like I let go of a rope I've been tugging at, or like a milion kilos of weight just disappeared from my shoulders. I said to myself it's ok if the things I make will never make me happy, it's ok if I'll never feel comfortable sharing myself authentically. It's ok, it dosen't have to be easy and I don't have to feel good. It's not like falling into dispear or feeling powerless. But like a feeling of relife, of letting go of some impossible burden. It feels like I can finally just breath, and like I'm more at ease within myself. There is no more resistance to how I'm actually feeling right now.

To receive softness and gentleness from myself. It kind of dawned on me yeasterday, or, it really just got more clear in my head - why am I being so darn hard on myself? At this moment I could literally just set myself free from all these self imposed burdens. There is so much I could let go of, and that makes my heart feel lighter and happier. There are so many worries I dont need to carry anymore - I could literally just be a little nicer to myself, believe a little more in myself... Say nicer things, be a little bit more patience. It costs me nothing to be a little more gentle with my self - but right now I can tell it's the verry thing my heart needs the most. Above everything else. Not more information, not knowing if what I do is right, if it's gonna be good enough, or how will people respond, and so on... I don't need the mind noise, but... Just a little peace of quiet and time to figure out for myself how I want this thing that I'm making to look and feel. Not in my head but in my heart. Not in a way where I impose structures onto my creations, but let them breathe authentically. I feels good to just let myself be in this moment, and not trying to really figure it out so much in my head - or try to keep safe, or away from concerns. The more present I become it kinda feels like the fears starts to fizzle out, as presence starts to replace the noise. I've been sick for weeks now, just tired, every day. I believe the source is because my heart has been in a constant stress mode. I need to take quietness, peace and gentless more serious. Maybe I can just trust that the feeling I want to come through, shines through underneath the words - and that I don't need to worry so much about making sure I reach people 😂 Growing up I never really felt that the presence, or the real thing I tried to communicate really shined through my words, and often got picked on or stopped due to my word choices. It's like the real me was lost and I turned into this idea in their head they imposed on me, and I could not break free from it... To be really seen - I guess that's what I'm trying to break free from within myself now? Maybe so. Could be.

Yes. You're right.

Meh... It means nothing to me. We don't celebrate it in my country 😅 It seems like we're mostly on the same page about holidays here... But I'm sure it could be wonderfull thing too - things tend to be what you make them into, and I'm sure valentines day can be a special day for somebody. If you so chose to make it into so. Talking about holidays - I tried to learn WHY we celebrate xmas - it's a mess, it's basically a mix of different religions, cultures, times... Different saints, you name it, through out the time people changed the holiday to what they wanted and needed it to be or represent. And I believe we still have that ability today to look at what we celebrate an alter it into a new meaning or direction we feel suits us better now. I believe holidays evolve as we do... So if you feel you want to take a holiday in a new direction, just do it - holidays aren't truly just something that is imposed on us, they are living breathing creatures that we're a part of changing and evolving :) They're an expression of our humanity, our belifes, cultures, religions... you name it... So, for me that was an empowering though, if I don't like something, just change it's meaning, make it my own - it's the thing we've been doing all along with holidays. Verry few seem to stay the same over the years, and that's ok. I believe it's more important to be concerned about how a celebration gives to us now, then being concerned about how it is supposed to be or look. bla bla bla.... that was the only thing I had to say.