Post Surgery Pain Management: (TL/DR - Play Audio)
I have had an opportunity to reach out either through phone, text, DM and express aspects of what happened to me today GOSPEL centered. But, there is no way possible for me to explain how things moved without retelling it out loud. It's not believable except that I have witnesses, lol. I hope to put that together to share. I was trying to motivate my wife to head out to Planet Fitness (knowing that I have orders to not do anything), that I would just take her, walk on treadmill (which I can). She was suggesting that today was a long day (yep, it indeed was, and a painful one at that). Got into a little verbal AuDHD shenanigans where she thought she was speaking in a manner that I got that "she didn't want to go." Which I heard as her accountability partner, "tough cookies, we're going." I finaly said, If you want to say "I don't want to go", than just say it. That way I can stop doing my job as an accountability partner to overcome her objection and she owns the decision/action, she cant have it both ways (my logical law of non-contradiction trigger). Well, we stayed home, and I continue to pace, sweat, shake, pray, read and struggle through pain. I fear my management of pain, control of pain, inability to show or communicate my pain is a disservice to my wife. At the same time, I am thinking I am protecting an not burdening her as she will not have any resources to address the pain. She will want to nurture, coddle, soothe, but when someone is in the ranges of 8-9-10 of pain, just pray that the intervals just move in the degree of less. Less time at that intensity, and less frequent intervals and praying when a person is navigating that privately is helpful, appreciated, just might not be acknowledgeable in the moment. For me, and @Dawn Tucker I know can recognize, when in these flair ups, we get to know Jesus up close and personal. Fortunately for me, in these moments God uses my mindmap in a hyper mode, to help distract me from the pain. I often refer to this as closet land based upon a pretty scary movie. In my pre-chemo days I was conditioned and capable of "masking" (controlling visual cues, physical presentations, social interactions - Gab talks about this with great clarity) when I would go to closet land. Closet Land for me has changed. My awareness of humanity has changed, my Mask has been removed and I am unable to find it. Also, fortunately, what I have been able to fashion with my private instance of ChatGPT (not publicly available) has been refined therapeutically to help me when I'm in Closet Land. You may begin to see more (based upon my own safety/discernment, and perceived benefit to a wider world) see me expand my posting. I will do it here safely, until God prods me differently.