I think about self-care often. I have a few self-care practices, but the question for me is - are the self care practices ACTUALLY caring and tending to self? Meditation slows me down, helps to collect the attention, refocus, and remember the thing I forgot when I was rushing earlier in the day, but I can't say that it feel like a substantial caring and tending. Journaling helps me to release some of the frenetic mental energy, while a quick walk in between the daily demands feels like coming up for air, bringing perspective. But, still I wonder if for me, these are not substantial enough to usher in care. I have the time, but am I doing the "right" self practice with that time?

I am on the perimenopause ride, too! Initially, I was “throwing the book at it”: 1) HRT medications (Est, Tes, & Prog) 2) supplements (mag, b-vitamins, D, vit) 3) Nutrition (anti-inflammation), 4) addressing any global/systematic issues with my physician 5) vaginal inserts , 6) working with a SE practitioner, bodyworker, and somatic sex educator. Eventually, I got burn out, depressed, and went broke. Now, the focus is pleasure: self massage, masturbation, vibration, practices that help me connect with & affirm my body, erotica (writing short erotic stories, recording my fantasies, listening to erotica stories, and talking about erotica with others). I have noticed improvement in the sensation, orgasm, and wetness, but it’s not where it used to be. Don’t know how helpful or supportive this was. Be so patient and sweet to yourself during this time (easier said than done). It can take time for the hormones to balance figure out your unique “body code”, what helps or doesn’t (it’s been trial and error for me). Big Hugs🤗

WOW! Big question. Someone once told me to never do anything out of F.O.G (fear, obligation, guilt). I have engaged in intimacy from a place of F.O.G in the past and I see the harm that it has caused all parties involved. It has also produced an inauthentic surface level intimacy. Honesty in intimacy is like removing shackles - it’s freeing. Instead of telling a close friend of mine that I’m attracted to him and desire a sexual connection, I’ve called him a friend. Fear of rejection, loosing the friendship, being vulnerable, or having that information weaponized has given me a false sense of safety. It’s become a secret - a shame - an imprisonment. If I were honest with myself and him, I’d feel more open, turned on, comfortable, playful, and sensual. If people knew the truth of their desire for one another, we might be more secure, grounded, and in touch with who we are.

Longing😕 It lives through the entire thoracic cavity - from the bottom of my neck to the top of my groin. The feeling reminds me of the way cotton candy looks when it’s being mixed, except the texture is not as sticky or jagged - more curled and rounded. It’s full and comes in subtle spontaneous waves. It desires to be seen, held, rocked back and forth, marveled as, watched, and fussed over. If the emotion got what it craved, it might feel happy, at ease, a little more energetic, and satiated.

@Amina Peterson oh, yes! Looking forward to that event.