Morning, guys! I haven't posted in a few days. It's been a bit of a weird week, but I just wanted to jump on here and share something that's actually given me a bit of hope. I've started to see the tools and lessons from this community genuinely working. Unfortunately, not with Tasha just yet. We're still only really talking about the kids, and that's okay. I'm respecting where she's at. But yesterday morning something happened with my eldest son that really stuck with me. He told me he was feeling upset. Normally, I probably would've jumped straight in with questions or tried to fix the situation. Instead, I used a lot of the techniques I've learned from this community. I stayed present. I listened. I stopped asking "why?" and instead asked questions that let him open up in his own time. Eventually, he told me that he misses Tasha. I'll be honest, that hurt to hear. ❤️ When you're going through a separation yourself, you're so caught up in your own emotions that sometimes you forget just how much the children are processing too. It was really important to hear things from his perspective. We had a really good chat, and he's decided he wants to tell Tasha how he's feeling as well. I think that'll be good for both of them because she's been such a huge part of his life. What really got me though was what he said afterwards. He looked at me and said, "I feel better now we've talked. I think we should do it more often." I told him I was trying to get better at talking about my feelings too. His response absolutely floored me. "At least you're trying, Dad. You're doing a good job. At least we're talking... all you can do is try." ❤️ Hearing that from my 10-year-old son meant more than I can put into words. I'm working so hard to become a better man, and knowing that he can already see those changes gives me hope that maybe other people can too. There have been a couple of setbacks this week as well. I had my call with Talking Therapies, and while they've given me some really useful resources, the waiting list is around 12–18 months, which was difficult to hear.

My partner of 8 years, mother to our 3 (almost 4) year old and 1 (almost 2) year old, left me saying that she loves me, but isnt in love with me. Back story and context: We met in August. "Together" in September. Pregnant in November. Terminated on Christmas Eve. We grew stronger because of this and knew that we were soulmates. Fast forward to pregnancy #2, our first child. Her hormones were crazy, she hated me for 9 months. Back to 'normal' after birth. Then came the baby pressures. Shit gets real. We both start to run on empty and burn out slowly and silently. She dumped my via text message. I spiralled and ended up attempting an OD. We reconciled, and she cared for me but quickly this faded. Fast forward to pregnancy #3, second child. Cycle repeats except worse. She hates the sight of me. Cant tolerate my presence. Stone cold with me. A female I knew online started offering the positivity, affection, and desire that I was missing from my partner. I latched onto this and fell into an emotional affair for 2 weeks. I got caught. She left me. We had couples therapy, we reconciled, we made it through. Fast forward to Christmas 2025. She dumps me via text again on the 20th. We agreed to "pretend" everything was okay for the kids over Christmas and we would seperate in the new year. She very quickly decided she made a mistake and wanted to come back. I said that this would be the last time she could dump me and return. 6 months later, June 5th she tells me (in person this time) that she isnt in love with me, and she needs to leave. This one felt different. This felt planned and calculated. She had written a plan for when and where the kids would see each of us. She had planned to sell our house and she had packed some of her things. I havent left the house. I am now in the process of buying her out of the house and remaining in the family home while she has moved to her mums. We have the kids 50/50 and we are talking. We are supporting each other, and both putting the kids first.

So tonight I dropped my granddaughters car seat off after work as my wife needed it for tomorrow mornings drop off. Was barely any eye contact from her, but it was still a nice evening giving my oldest son his birthday presents, and we were all there and enjoyed the occasion, albeit I was on limited time in the sense that I was trying to just be there for the kids and get out the door as I had done everything I had set out to do with them. Then came “would you like to stay for dinner?” I hesitated…but then said I’d really love that, so I stayed. My wife and I ate in the garden together without the kids in earshot, and we spoke just about general stuff, the usual day to day. We laughed and we smiled at each other as if we both knew what was coming, and that was the chat about us…I said I was working on myself to be a better version of myself, and that work was great, therapy was going well and I mentioned I was really pushing myself to learn how to be a more accountable person and learn from my lessons. My youngest was out in the garden and we really didn’t have that deep a chat, but as I left I said “look, I respect your boundaries and the need for you to protect yourself, but you need to know that I am in love with you, infatuated by you and I still want you” left it at that, thanked her for dinner and left. Not gonna lie, I cried all the way home because of the pain I’m still experiencing. But felt like I managed to say what’s been on my mind and lift a weight, although in the flip side, I know on reflection how much pressure that may have put on her. But she was smiling when I left so I’ll take it as a positive for now. I’m not going to bring “us” up in any conversation and let her lead on that side, I’ve said my piece. There is so much messaging about the kids at the moment it is starting to feel overwhelming in that we are talking and getting on that knowing I can’t overstep those boundaries to move us on. Patience is a killer boys….and I have very little of it. But as my wife said tonight it’s still so raw, and has only been 5 weeks…..

Hey Guy! Me and Tasha have a great Co-Parenting relationship. Her not having a father growing up, and me having to go through court for my eldest. We just see eye to eye on that aspect... Ironically. its a perfect relationship! regardless, it means we spend quite a bit of time together with the kids, especially recently with Our eldest going into Primary soon, we have been to several induction days... I digress. We often take picture with the kids, or even outside of that she always make comments about her appearance. The most common being "I look so fat on that" and variations of this! Now being truly honest! I think she is the most beautiful woman on this planet. I truly Do. it has always bothered me in the relationship. positionally even my reaction to this now i am writing this post. could be a factor of the split. I digress again! Whenever she makes these comments i respond with; "I wish you would stop saying that about yourself, you're gorgeous" "i wish you could see yourself through my eyes" " You're beautiful, don't be so harsh on yourself" You get the gist.... however, now we are not together. although i truly mean it! i feel like it is wrong... she pulls faces as if to say 'yeah right' or 'you're just saying that' and its in way making me feel uncomfortable. like its making the gap between us bigger! like she feels i am just being .. manipulative in a way. Maybe i am reading to much into it i don't know. I have even now changed the way i talk to her, we went to the cinemas the other day its warm.... i was in joggers so i was comfy. i showed up and she was in this black dress!... like.. wow! In me Head i instantly thought "You're i so beautiful" then... "why did you fuck this up" hahah But i just turned to her and said "Oh, You didn't tell me there was a dress code"... There is this part of me now! where i just feel like i cannot be my self around her, and be honest about what is on my mind! which is annoying because i value my honesty.... maybe this is of the back of last week when i acted on my feelings, and i took things too far. and now i am just being reserved. i don't know....

Good afternoon guys, my name is Cody. I’m a 26 year old male, I’ve been married to my wife 28 year old female for 6 years and together for 8 years. We are both active duty military, I am medically separating soon and she has been deployed for the last few months. We have had a very on and off relationship since 2023 after my struggles with porn addiction came to light and despite all the efforts of us both she is wanting a divorce. We have both talked about separation in the past but therapy, doctors appointments, and self work has helped staff it off for years and we continued to grow. My struggles with shame, defensiveness and inability to handle conflict by shutting down or not communicating my own feelings and emotions led to her becoming emotionally burned out. The last 8 months I’ve done more self reflection and work on myself then I’ve ever truly done in my life and it has helped tremendously. But I found out less than 48 hours ago that she has been having a physical affair while deployed over the last few months and I really feel like I’m at a loss. I know a big thing Mark has mentioned is how her seeing change and not hearing the words I say are the only thing that can cause a change in her but after finding out about this idk how to move forward. She’s lied to my face about having an affair with someone who I even asked about when she started acting off. I’m just looking for some guidance because I’m still at home alone, taking care of our whole furry family (3 cats and 3 dogs), paying the bills, working 70+ hours a week where I’m routinely putting people in body bags (I work in a ER as a medic), and still doing weekly therapy, seeing a psychiatrist, started meds, and practicing everything I’ve learned. I’ve been free of pornography since she left for the deployment (over 120 days) which is the longest I’ve ever gone without it. I’ve gotten so much better at communicating and taking radical action and accountability for the things I’ve done wrong. I just am really struggling with coming to terms with this affair and how even though I still want to work through this with her because I see how much she’s hurting, it’s hard to put aside my own anger. I’d love to guidance from yall since I think I’m a lot younger than most of you guys 😅