If empowerment is learning to hear yourself, communication is learning how what’s inside you comes out and how it lands. Communication isn’t just what you say. It’s how you ask, how you respond, and how you negotiate together to find what works for all of you. When communication is off, we often hurt the people we care about most. One common way this happens is when we’re communicating with charge. Emotions like fear, anger, hurt, or urgency are driving the moment, so words come out sharper, faster, or heavier than we intend. Before we focus on what to say, we start by learning how to work with that charge. This is one of the most important skills to learn. It’s about slowing yourself just enough to feel what’s underneath a reaction before it comes out sideways. There’s often an awkward learning curve here. Things can feel clumsy at first. That’s normal. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re practicing. The best time to plan or practice is when there is no charge. Your mission, should you choose to take it Make a short list or grab a post-it and write down a few things that help you take the charge off. Journaling Moving your body Going for a walk Talking to someone safe Taking a shower Napping Whatever actually works for you. Then, the next time you feel charged, practice doing one of those things before you say or send anything. Tomorrow we are going to talk about pleasure skills (it may not be what you think so stay tuned)

Good morning. An invitation to play. As always, this is about curiosity. Today’s prompt: What helps your body feel sexy or confident when no one else is watching?

I went to services at the Center for Spiritual Living today. It’s not my usual Sunday rhythm, but a friend I wanted to spend time with asked me, so I said yes. The music was great, and the speaker was dynamic and timely. What stayed with me was a simple idea: how hard it is to change anything when you can’t yet see outside the box you’re in. I realized how often relationship uncertainty isn’t about not knowing what we want. It’s about trying to decide from inside a very small view. When you can’t see beyond the relationship box you’re in, uncertainty can start to feel endless. I know that feeling—the push–pull of wanting to leave and wanting to stay at the same time. It’s exhausting, and over time it can wear down your trust in yourself. One of the first questions I ask people when they come to me is simple: Can you see and imagine having the relationship you want? Not how to get there. Just whether you can imagine it at all. When the answer is no, that’s not a failure. It’s information. So I’m curious:Where are you wanting to say yes, while still not being able to see what saying yes will change?

Community Agreements These agreements exist to support a brave, respectful, and genuinely supportive community. By being here, you’re agreeing to engage with care for yourself and for others. Confidentiality What’s shared in this community stays in this community.This is a space for honest conversation, vulnerability, and real connection. Respecting one another’s privacy is essential to keeping this container trustworthy. Engage at Your Own Pace There is no right way to participate. You’re welcome to share, ask questions, comment, or simply read along. Lurking is allowed. Trust your own timing, capacity, and nervous system. Respectful and Supportive Communication This space is rooted in curiosity and connection, not judgment, debate, or proving a point.While politics and personal beliefs shape our lives, this community is focused on relationships, self-growth, and meaningful conversation. Please keep posts and comments aligned with that purpose. This is not a place to argue, shame, diagnose, or fix other people. Commitment to Growth We’re here because we believe growth is possible.This community exists to deepen insight, practice new skills, and support one another in real, tangible ways, especially when things feel messy or unclear. This space is not a replacement for therapy, crisis support, or emergency care. Intentional Sharing, Advice, and Consent Speak from your own experience and listen generously.Before offering advice, ask if it’s wanted.If you’re posting, you’re welcome to name what kind of support you’re looking for, such as reflection, advice, witnessing, or something else. DM Policy Please ask before sending someone a direct message. Not everyone experiences DMs as supportive, even when intentions are good. A simple public comment like “Would you be open to a DM?” helps keep this space consensual and nervous-system aware. If someone doesn’t respond or says no, please honor that without explanation or pressure. This is not a space for graphic sexual content, explicit play-by-play, self-promotion, or soliciting clients.

Welcome in — I’m really glad you’re here! To get the conversation going, I’d love to hear a little about you: - Where are you joining from? - One fun fact about you (keep it light — there’s no pressure to be deep) - What brought you here? A sentence or two is plenty. And if today is a listening day, that’s okay too. You’re welcome to read along and jump in when you’re ready. I’ll start us off in the comments. — Deborah 💛