For the last 24 hours I have felt this deep sorrow hit me. I want to cry frequently and I have cried quite often the last 24 hrs. When I cry it’s like my whole being is sobbing from the deepest parts of me. There’s some personal stuff there but it also feels bigger than me. I am about to have a nap and really be still with God about it but I didn’t know if anyone else was feeling this way the last 24 hrs too?

I feel a bit defeated, and a stumbling rock in this life. I wish I could delete my existence sometimes…

The last couple months have been so heavy for me. Since I deleted Instagram and Tik Tok it’s been so hard. The beginning of the year I had to distance from some closer connections and this has meant that I am VERY alone. Without social media at the same capacity, it truly means I am very alone. I used to talk with quite a few people on a daily. New people and people that followed me for awhile. It was so hard to give up Instagram. I really like the app and was proud of the vibe of the account I had. Then Abba asked me to give it up. He means more to me than any app so it was a done deal. But it’s been so hard. Abba has shown me LOTS to do with my parents and family that have been very painful to work through ON MY OWN living in the same house I was negatively affected in. Around my parents as my ONLY human interaction in person for MONTHS now…it’s been one of the hardest periods of my life and I have been through some tougher things in my life. The last month I have been spending more time with my parents because I’ve needed people so badly and Abba has been merciful and provided for me through them. He has wanted me to hang around them for a little bit. It has been really triggering me. I have been wondering why I’ve felt so off the last month…then tonight Abba reminded me of the whole concept of PTSD. I don’t like mental health labels or going to doctors to get those labels on your medical record. I think that’s not the wisest choice in this day. But I KNOW I have PTSD. I had someone prophesy over me a few years ago that PTSD would be something I become healed from and then I’ll able to help people through that in a very powerful way due to how Abba has helped me walk through this journey pretty much solely with HIM. But the last month almost every day I have a PTSD flare up. Like I haven’t felt like myself. I feel like I can’t catch a break because I am hanging around my parents more in my childhood home that is so traumatizing for me. I need to leave this house so badly but I can’t go until Abba tells me to go.

(Feel free to comment your prayer requests for today down in the comment section) I have been anxious all day today. My heart has been racing due to how stressed I feel in this current season I am in. I know my heart is healthy but it’s so heavy. I feel very overwhelmed and yet God tells me to just wait on Him. I know He is sustaining me but this is just awful 😔 There’s NO sign of reprieve and now Abba asked me today if He has permission to reveal something to me and I was like Yes but NOW WHAT!?? My brain feels like it wants to explode and my heart just wants to cry.

Wow. So I just had the worst period cramps I’ve had in probably a year and a half almost 2 years. They were so painful and caused me to feel very sick…I even threw up which I NEVER do. I hate that feeling so much. I know I’m not doing well if I throw up. I had to call my Mom and ask her to come home early from work because I couldn’t walk or hardly talk due to the pain. This doesn’t happen to me often but when it does I typically feel better by the evening. I still feel just awful. It’s very discouraging. My parents are supposed to be gone for the majority of the next two days too and it stresses me out thinking about being alone feeling like this. I am just feeling very defeated, discouraged, and annoyed this evening. Lots of heavy feelings and thoughts are hitting me as I have been bed bound all day. Prayers are greatly appreciated ♥️