Pause for a moment. Take one slow breath. What do you notice in your body right now?

Let’s talk about people-pleasing. When you hear the term people pleaser, do you picture someone weak? Passive? Afraid to speak up? Hear me out......people-pleasing isn’t weakness. It’s often survival. But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: 👉 People-pleasing can be a form of manipulation. Not the malicious kind. Not intentional harm. But a learned pattern of controlling outcomes. People-pleasing says: • “If I keep you happy, I’ll stay safe.” • “If I meet your needs, you won’t leave.” • “If I don’t upset anyone, I won’t be rejected.” That’s not weakness, that’s a nervous system that learned connection had conditions. The problem is this: People-pleasing avoids discomfort instead of addressing it. It trades honesty for harmony. And it slowly disconnects us from our own needs. Boundaries feel hard for people-pleasers because boundaries risk disappointing others and disappointment once meant danger, loss, or abandonment. So if this hits close to home, pause before judging yourself. Ask instead: Where did this pattern begin? • What was it protecting me from? • What would honesty look like now? Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s how you stop negotiating your worth for approval. And no......you don’t lose love by setting boundaries. You lose relationships that required you to abandon yourself. READ THAT AGAIN! Grace first. Awareness next. Growth will follow.

I’ve been deep in my Bible lately, reading about Jesus’ baptism, and one thing that keeps standing out to me is the wilderness. Jesus went into the wilderness. John the Baptist lived in the wilderness when God spoke to him. Over and over in Scripture, I see restoration happening there. And honestly… it comforts me. I’ve heard people say, “It’s not good to isolate yourself. It’s not good to be alone.” And while I don’t believe we were created to live alone forever, I do believe there are seasons where stepping away from the noise, the busyness, and everyone else’s opinions is not only healthy, it’s necessary. Some of the clearest moments I’ve felt God speak to me wasn’t when I was surrounded by people. They came in my wilderness. I was alone with my thoughts, surrendered, finally letting go of control. That’s where I learned this truth: Submission is not weakness. It’s trust. And identity comes before purpose. I see that clearly in Scripture, and I’ve seen it play out in my own life. As a counselor, I often encourage people to learn how to be alone for a season. To learn how to sit with their thoughts. To learn how to love who they are. To learn who God created them to be. Because the truth is, if you can’t be alone with yourself, if you don’t know your identity in Christ, if you haven’t surrendered to who God is shaping you into, you will feel lost and confused, no matter how many people surround you. That season of solitude was hard. It stretched me. It wasn’t comfortable. But it was the most rewarding. And the real truth is this… we’re NEVER truly alone. God meets us in the wilderness. So today, I’m grateful for that season. And I’m grateful for the wilderness. WHERE HAVE YOU FOUND CLARITY ABOUT WHO YOU ARE?

What’s harder for you lately?

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