9d • General discussion
Boundaries and People Pleasing
Let’s talk about people-pleasing.
When you hear the term people pleaser, do you picture someone weak? Passive? Afraid to speak up?
But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:
👉 People-pleasing can be a form of manipulation.
Not the malicious kind. Not intentional harm. But a learned pattern of controlling outcomes.
People-pleasing says:
• “If I keep you happy, I’ll stay safe.”
• “If I meet your needs, you won’t leave.”
• “If I don’t upset anyone, I won’t be rejected.”
That’s not weakness, that’s a nervous system that learned connection had conditions.
The problem is this: People-pleasing avoids discomfort instead of addressing it. It trades honesty for harmony. And it slowly disconnects us from our own needs.
Boundaries feel hard for people-pleasers because boundaries risk disappointing others and disappointment once meant danger, loss, or abandonment.
So if this hits close to home, pause before judging yourself.
Ask instead:
Where did this pattern begin?
• What was it protecting me from?
• What would honesty look like now?
And no......you don’t lose love by setting boundaries. You lose relationships that required you to abandon yourself. READ THAT AGAIN!
Grace first. Awareness next. Growth will follow.
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Boundaries and People Pleasing
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