Firstly Alhamdulillah that you feel remorse for the sin. That is a sign that Allah loves you! You feel guilty and return to Allah in repentance because of your own love for Allah. We are all sinners and this is a safe space so don't apologize for posting because we can all benefit from the advices given. Try to figure out your triggers and what did you do differently in ramadaan or in times that you were doing well by avoiding it. Eg. If movies are the trigger but you find when you are too busy to watch them you avoid it then delete any apps and cancel subscriptions if needed. When you go shopping keep your eyes down and avoid the sleepwear/lingerie sections. If it helps get the boring old t-shirt bras and granny panties if you need to shop for those. Don't stay alone too long especially with your phone. If you find yourself sinning more when the conditions are a certain way then make it a bit uncomfortable. If feeling a little colder can distract you then take a cold shower, turn the air-conditioner temperature down etc. When you slip down, get back up. If you sin keep going back to Allah. Don't ever give up on your duas. Keep the next prayer time in mind and try to keep wudhu. Allah won't give up on you so always go back to Allah even if its a hundred times. May Allah make it easy for you and all of us.

Sometimes if it's just negative thoughts crossing my mind then I'll just observe and see if there's something I'm missing or if it can be reasoned but if it's a gut feeling then I trust it even if I don't have the words because I've learned to trust my intuition with Allah's help.

@Habibatul Aulia Ameen🌸

Wa alaykum salaam sister Ariana. That's wonderful! May Allah make this journey easy for you and all of us. Ameen🌸

@Layan B @Sadia Riaz I agree and relate to both of you. Good Character and personality can make an average person more attractive. For me personally I think if a person takes care of themself and hygiene they will most likely be decent or average looking and then the character and personality make them either attractive or not. I think physical looks matters in the way that you must not be repulsed at the thought of being with them or seeing them everyday

@Fatima Maulid I find Journaling helps me when I'm trying to process something difficult or I'm struggling to come to terms with something. Just write down what you are feeling first then build on it. If I'm sad why am I sad? Then also when you're making a list of things you are looking for in a spouse, ask Why is this trait important to me? @Mindful Muslimah also has lots of tips on how to ask questions and determine if it's green, orange/yellow or red flag too. You can maybe also look back at the previous meeting you had and see if there are any patterns. Sometimes because of what we've been through in our childhood like bullying or being made to feel like we weren't good enough or pretty enough or smart enough or popular enough we could push people away first as a way to protect ourselves. For me as a kid-teen I had just a few friends alhamdulillah but I was extremely weary of meeting new people, making new friends or even talking to anyone that wasn't in my close circle. I would rather shut the door myself than wait to be rejected and this is because I had an experience in early primary school when the whole class used to play together and then they decided to start "voting" people out of the group. So I left that group before I was the subject of the voting because that's where it was headed. But over the years I just decided to focus my love on myself and my family and friends who actually do care about me and I try to just worry about Allah's opinion of me. I don't push people away as much as before but I always have a distinction that for many people I'm friendly not friends with them. And because I know of my pattern of pushing people away I consciously check myself at times to make sure I'm not doing it and sabotaging myself. There are times when you need to walk away for valid reasons but make sure it's not a "just because" because that's where it's just our defences.