Alright, this little lesson about standards keeps appearing over and over these past few weeks, so might as well put it out here! Let's go! High standards are not about perfection or pressure BUT they are about respect! Respect for our time, our energy, and our potential. Some takeaways: 1.“Everything suffers by submitting to lower standards.” This is true for relationships, work, health, creativity, aaaand self trust. When we drop our standards, quality follows because we are asking less of ourselves than we are capable of. We are asking less of others too. High standards are a form of self belief that indicate that we matter, our efforts matter and that what we're building matters. The standards that we have for how we allow others to treat us/how we allow others in our lives point to the self respect that we may have. 2.“Don’t stray from your magnificence.” This is about alignment. When we lower standards to stay comfortable, to avoid conflict, or to move faster, we slowly drift away from who we know we could be. Grace is important too ❤️We are allowed to rest.We are allowed to stumble. We are allowed to be human. ******Grace is meant to support growth, not excuse stagnation. When grace becomes a way to stay mediocre, it stops being kind and starts being limiting. ********** Time plus consistency plus standards is a powerful combination. Most people quit not because the goal is impossible, but because they stop asking themselves to rise. We do this with others as well... High standards are not harsh/mean.They are a commitment to not abandoning yourself along the way ✨ *Video explains difference between standards and expectations. :) Shoutout to @John D , @Steve Webb and @Dan 'Remmy' Stourac for the writings, the conversations and the thoughtful reflections that inspired this little post. You may not fully agree with everything on this, but the conversations do matter so thank you. :)

Caught myself thinking about all the things that "I have" to do today. The reality is that, I don't "have to do anything". I "get to" or "I choose to" and in some cases, I even "want to". @Joshua Haag and I must have been on some kind of similar wavelength because after thinking about this and how I could incorporate it in a post, I saw his own IG post regarding 'get to' language. Notice the difference between saying “I have to do this” and “I get to do this” or “I choose to do this.” Same action, totally different internal experience. And your brain absolutely notices! What’s actually going on psychologically? “I have to” frames an action as a demand or threat. Your brain tends to interpret this as a loss of control. That can activate stress responses, especially in the amygdala, the part of the brain that scans for danger and pressure. When that happens, motivation drops and resistance increases, even if the task itself is small. ******“I get to” or “I choose to” shifts the frame to agency. Yay FREEDOM!! This engages parts of the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in decision-making, meaning, and long-term thinking. Instead of feeling coerced, your brain feels like it is participating. That sense of choice boosts intrinsic motivation and reduces stress.***** Choice language matters beeecause: 1)It restores a sense of autonomy, which humans are wired to crave 2) It reduces threat perception and stress hormones 3)It increases follow-through because the action feels self-directed. 4) also...It builds identity. You are someone who chooses, not someone who is pushed or coerced. *This is not about toxic positivity or pretending everything is amazing. Forget that noise. Sometimes things are annoying, boring, or genuinely hard. The shift is about acknowledging reality while also reclaiming agency. You can still dislike something and choose it at the same time! :) (the video talks about the paradox of choice---talks about how choice has made us more paralyzed as opposed to more free...I may add this video to a different topic later on but I liked that it touched on freedom and in this way it is relates to today's topic).

A lot of stress can come from putting energy in the wrong places--in places that either don't require our presence or in places that we don't /can't control and not really manage. We think about the future (which isn't here yet, btw) and we try to control it. Controlling something that doesn't yet exist is fascinating. Maybe we can try influencing instead or responding when it's here. What's in your control? Your choices, effort, boundaries, words, and how you respond. (but even these can be influenced by other factors outside of your 'control') Outside your control:Other people’s reactions, past events, timing, and outcomes (We fool ourselves into thinking that outcomes are in our control, but, again, there are other variables that can play a role in this) Within your influence:The tone you bring, the environment you help shape, how clearly you communicate, and the consistency of your actions. Growth happens when we stop trying to control outcomes and start taking responsibility for our responses. Questions to ponder: Where might your energy work better if it shifted from control to influence? Where have I had a difficult time letting go? What did you feel like when you finally accepted something and let go? Poll: How do I approach control?How do I respond when things feel uncertain?

Caught myself doing some 'should'ing this morning and it got me in a mildly frustrated and disappointed state. To the point where I said, "The bar is in hell and people still can't clear it" (cue in spotify playlist of 'the bar is in hell'. haha) BUT, this time it was more as a joke whereas in the past, this would have sunk me for quite some time. I'm chillin' today. Aaaaaaaanyways, lot of unnecessary stress comes from one small word: should (and it's close relatives-musts and oughts). These sound productive but the "tyranny of the shoulds" is just that. Tyrannical. It's language that creates negative pressure, shame, resentment, and chronic disappointment. Leads to a 'should'y life. Why “should” backfires Psychologically, “shoulds” turn preferences into rigid demands. When reality does not match the demand, the result is frustration, resentment, or criticism. When we “should” ourselves, we imply that our current state is unacceptable and we demand perfection..When we “should” others, we create expectations without consent, expect mindreading and for them to be the exact same as you. Both almost always guarantee disappointment when reality fails to comply to our subjective rules. Over time, this mindset activates threat based stress responses rather than growth based motivation. **We stop responding to what is actually happening and start reacting to what we believe ought to be happening. Reality loses every time and it sucks the life out of us** Some shoulds are good though!!! beecause, some shoulds are values based and actually helpful. This is what they can sound like: - I should act with integrity - I should treat people with respect and not intentionally harm them - I should take responsibility for my choices These are flexible and chosen. They guide behavior without shaming and are guided in morals and ethics. Unhealthy shoulds sound like: - I should never struggle - They should meet my needs without me asking - I should be further along than this or I should be over this by now

Greetings fellow empowered beings!! :) As we're approaching this last month, let's take a look at the past year (things we've achieved, lessons we've learned, things we've left behind and added) and let's use that to mobilize us in this next month. Let's use this last month of the year to build momentum and get a running start into 2026. We don't have to wait.... We treat January like it has magical powers when really it is just a month with better PR. Psychologically speaking, December is prime time for momentum building. It is the month where the brain naturally shifts into reflection mode, which means insight is already simmering and it might make it the perfect time to launch! A lot of people experience SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in the winter months--- so I think that it's really really important to look at the habits that we engage in and how this either contributes, reinforces or helps ease this effect. (side note--with my clients in Michigan, I start having conversations about this in September because the weather here along with the habits really influence people's experiences for 6 months at a time!! We can't control the weather, BUT we can do things differently). *****So, how are you using December and what are your intentions? *****How will you use this past year as a way to move into the next? Here are some questions to consider as you look back on your past year (questions are part of an AAR (After Action Review). 1. What did we intend to accomplish (what was our strategy)? 2. What did we do (how did we execute relative to our strategy)? 3. Why did it happen that way (why was there a difference between strategy and execution)? 4. What will we do to adapt our strategy or refine our execution for a better outcome OR how do we repeat our success?