Here's a not so hot take: Fear (not hate) is the true opposite of love. From a psychological perspective love is closely tied to secure attachment which has the following features: openness, trust, emotional regulation, and the ability to stay connected even when things feel uncomfortable. When we feel loved, the nervous system settles... We are open to listening more easily, we are able to stay open/present instead of pulling away, we can let down the armor that we hold up. Fear,however, activates our threat response (our fight/flight/freeze response). It sends alarm signals saying that something isn't safe. When our brains sense danger (physical or emotional or spiritual), it shifts into protection mode. Why wouldn't it? This is often how this can look relationally: Fight--criticism, anger, hostility (this can look like hate, right?) ; Flight--withdrawal, avoidance, shutting d down; Freeze--numbness, detachment. These type of responses end up being about survival, rather than connection...and these types of responses often lead to disconnection---the very think that people in relationship/friendship don't actually want. So, what can look like coldness, indifference, or even hate is often fear underneath: Fear of rejection/abandonment, fear of vulnerability, fear of losing safety, identity, or control. Fear disrupts the psychological safety that love requires.. So maybe part of love is being able to create a space where another human being doesn't feel the need to protect themselves from us. I love that the Greek language has like 7 different definitions for love. My favorite: Agape (A love that is expressed as a choice and a posture, not just a feeling; Agape is love that seeks the good of another, even when it costs you something). POLL:What most often triggers your emotional “shutdown” in relationships? QUESTIONS TO PONDER:Who in your life helps your heart feel calm, safe, and able to stay open? When you notice yourself shutting down, what is the fear underneath it trying to protect?

A lot of entrepreneurs think their problem is discipline. “I just need to want it more.” “I should be able to push through this.” But low energy isn’t a mindset issue. It’s often the result of: – chronic stress – decision fatigue – running on adrenaline for too long You can be ambitious and exhausted. You can love your business and feel fried. When energy is low, motivation gets mislabeled as the issue. And people start shaming themselves instead of supporting their system. That’s how burnout becomes normalized. When your energy dips, what’s your default thought “I’m lazy” or “I need support”?

This is something I keep thinking about. We often try to change habits by adding more discipline. We try to push harder, we force the change, and we are stricter with ourselves. But habits are mechanisms in our brain to help it save energy. Once something is wired, it runs on autopilot so we don’t have to think every time. The tricky part is that when we’re stressed or overloaded, our system goes into conservation mode. And in that state, it will default even faster to the old pattern, not because we’re lazy, but because it’s familiar and costs less energy. So the issue when we are trying to change, isn’t that we need more willpower. It's that our system doesn’t have enough capacity to try something different. Before forcing a new behavior, it can help to ask: What’s actually draining my bandwidth right now? Sometimes removing a bit of pressure works better than adding more.

What are you going to do with what you have? Fumble forward, enthusiastically. Take positive risks. Bet on your gifts. :) Dreaming is beautiful...but dreams only move when you do! Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship. Read that again....Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship!. :) (thanks Denzel) QUESTION TO PONDER: what would falling forward look like for you right now? What are you going to do with what you have? POLL: If you actually treated your dream like a goal this year, what would change first? (I'll post some ACTION ideas in the comment section). :) -------------------------------------------------

If you don't want to read the rest, that's okay, but I reeeeeeally wanna know who your alter ego is! How does it show up? Have you named it? Feel free to add a GIF or a picture to represent it or a comment to expand! :) :) For more, read below! -------------------------------------------------- A lot of people think of alter egos as costumes or a masquerade....something fake, exaggerated, or a hiding of some sort. Buuuuut, psychologically, they're often not that at all. An alter ego is usually a contained expression of a real part of the self, maybe one that doesn’t always feel safe, welcome, or effective in everyday life BUT may feel VERY effective in some circumstances... Alter egos are often created because different situations demand different capacities... Beyonce was the first person that came to mind for this--her alter ego "Sasha Fierce" (bold, fierce, commanding on stage) but there are other examples as well. The idea of courage without overthinking is attractive to me this year. ha. SOoooo much thinking. If you're hesitant, like I was, here's some reassurance..the problem isn’t having an alter ego, but rather having one that runs the show unconsciously. I almost think that "alter-ego" is a misnomer. When used intentionally, the alter ego can provide psychological distance during stress, reduce emotional overlaod by narrowing focus, help bypass fear, shame and people pleasing patterns and act as a bridge between values and action. Used unconsciously, it can become armor that's rigid, isolating, or self-erasing. But here's the thing....coming from someone that appreciates the IFS (internal family systems) model, I like the idea of integrating the different parts rather than having them be polarized/hidden. Being called upon with intention rather than being reactive and causing chaos.Maybe the 'shadow' side comes out when things are more reactive but ultimately, an alter ego would be part of the whole picture. :) An integrated self is a healthy self. Being able to move between states consciously is healthy. It's really about allowing more of the self to come out...intentionally.