Lately as some of you have heard me on the calls I've been having some difficulties getting embodied and witnessing. I'd say these emotions were tricking me, I was attaching! Confused, scared, no confidence. Inner dialogue was confused, doubtful, and I was attaching to all of it. I had a realization during todays session, got deep down into what I think was a pivotal moment for me. I saw an embarrassed Nick, 5th grade, doing a pretend job interview as part of a class assignment. There were kids parents on campus holding interviews and I chose a construction worker career path because I thought that was the easy way out, no education needed, not much thought or homework required... I thought I would skate through it, and of course I didn't. I didn't even get the job, I failed the assignment! All these emotions set in, and I felt defeated for a long time after that, "I'm not smart enough for college. Oh that requires a degree? I'll pass. I'm too lazy. I should've repeated grade school, my parents are always so frustrated when I ask for help. I shouldn't need this much help." I had dropped the dreams, the intuition, and I watched from the outside. Look at everyone around me so driven, continued education with degrees, I'll just work an easy job that I can tolerate and let my free time be my life, "work to live not live to work". I have settled for far too long! Here's a quote from Pink Floyd, I use to be on the side of the coin that felt that too much time had passed, and that I was too late. Never in my life did I think I would be where I am today. I settled, gave up on too much and tried to absolutely burry that feeling of being too stupid or lazy, distracted or incapable. But I'm feeling reborn at 34, and in control. Time " You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun".

22 months I've been doing this Work at some level. Every day. Either listening, releasing, or integrating. It's been the most consistent pattern of activity in my life that I can recall. Daily work on a single purpose. It's progressed every day with no standstills. Anger has been maybe, MAYBE, 5% of the early life emotions that have come up...And when it has, it's been very brief of weak. Sadness, anxiety, fear, shame... largely has been the flavor for two years. I mentioned in last weeks call that a 2nd figure has shown up in my visions. One that I cannot clearly make out. He is me, but older than 'childhood'. My original inner child avatar was clearly me at 4-6 yrs old. He's now by my side in my visions, largely smiling, content. The 2nd figure is adolescent sized, pacing, in the distance, sort of shrouded in darkness...He'll turn toward me, yet he's just a dark obscure figure. When he originally appeared, he was physically active in emoting - waving arms, grabbing hair, using muscle tense postures. He's since calmed a bit, but the feels are still here. His face is becoming visible, morphing between different ages & outfits...But they're all adolescent versions of myself - 14-17 yrs old maybe. And he's pissed. The needs not being met...Or love held hostage for 'proper' behavior, being rewarded for being someone else. He's got that smirk like he's over it & ready to fuck some shit up. It feels that he was waiting for that 4-6 younger me to heal until he could have his day. The couple sessions I've done recently have been deep strong feelings. I mentioned in the call of my entire torso releasing energy... Now these are pointed deep in the chest (not surprisingly solar plexus region) and across the mid-lat band of my back. The energy electrifies my arms into clenched fists, like a slack winch line pulling tight against the anchors of my spine & wrist. This is different. It appears teenage me is ready to roll. I'm excited to work through this 'new' prior-season of my baggage. I've not yet had a teen-centric theme. Will be interesting what comes.

I'm delighted to announce that the film we made in November last year is finished and ready to launch to the public. I'd like to say a special thanks to everyone that was vulnerable enough to share their stories - @Ben Valdovinos @Andrew Rotter @Bryant Goodall @Nick Valdovinos @Sam Johnson @Patrick Camman and to the talented team that made the film - @Marcus Ubungen @Donavan Sell This work can life changing for everyone that goes through the pain and comes out the other side. You guys are the first to see it. Please watch and let us know what you think. Watch link - https://youtu.be/4ldWtO4-Cm8

I spent the day in my garage undertaking a pretty intimidating project. Insulating and drywalling my garage, my oldest son (only 2) and I really enjoy playing in there but it's so darn cold! So I took it upon myself to figure out what the hell I need to do in order to make the space habitable. I spend a few hours in my garage today, music and podcasts the entire time and when I finished all I could think about was my Uncle Michael... My Uncle has early onset Alzheimer's Disease and has had it since 2020. I've spent a lot more time as a caretaker for him since I found out but through this Work discovered exposing myself to caretaking for a loved one is more than I can handle. Once I finished today, and completely exhausted and sweaty, I just stared in admiration and cried, thinking of only my Uncle because of work ethic he taught me... knowing that if he was still of sound mind he would have loved to have helped me today. In the moment I really thought I had released the emotion, and was listening and present, but the rest of the afternoon was effected by that moment. I knew it, could feel it, didn't really know they "why" just that there was Work to do. It brought me back to Michael, I feel I was attaching to some of the emotion thinking I could keep a piece of him still alive and well and of sound mind. But I was able to release it, and let it go as powerful as it was I had to sit with that emotion witnessing for 10-15 minutes it felt. *Sharing my hard work because I AM proud of it! More not pictured, but you get the idea.

https://youtu.be/mcSozACngYw What’s up everyone!! Big moment in the arc of The Lighthouse Project. We launched the True North podcast, and episode 3 is our first guest conversation with Nick Valdovinos, one of the guides here. Nick’s been through it and has a lot to share about his experience. In this episode, Nick talks about: - being labeled depressed and what that did to how he saw himself - being prescribed medication without any discussion about his childhood - doing therapy, group therapy, and being hospitalized, and why none of it worked for him - what it felt like being numbed out on meds - realizing he had settled in work and how that showed up at home - noticing real changes in how he shows up with his wife and son - speaking directly to his younger self and creating safety around emotion The full episode launched today. Shorter videos will be dropped later this week. Give them a listen!