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The “Stink.” “Stank, “Stunk,” behaviors & our "troubled dance……..”
The “Stink.” “Stank, “Stunk,” behaviors & our "troubled dance……..”
The Law of Identity Part I
What’s up community,
As I was preparing to create a blog covering the power of identity for my men’s 30+ coaching site at bsaq1.com, I wanted to tap into the Law of Identity and its impact on “Why the Grinch, Grinch’s”
LOL, I have never been a deep thinker and always struggled in philosophy class. However, I think I get the Law of Identity. The Law of Identity shares A=A, a house is a house, logically “each thing is identical with itself.” The Grinch is the Grinch. “Stink,” “Stank,” “Stunk” behavior is the Grinch’s identity, Got It!
Simply, the LOI, allows us to glean that “...... whatever we are talking about is exactly what it is and nothing else.” Cindy Lou was the Grinch’s guide and helped him figuratively change his dance moves of his troubled dance. The Grinch figured out, “it was not being alone that he hated, it was being alone.”
Like the Grinch, I tell everyone we all need a Cindy Lou. In this community, The Law of Identity clarifies my role as a men’s communication specialist. In Pillar I of my program, the boundaries are clearly defined. The initial step is assessing the cycle/troubled dance of disconnection. To take it a step further, identify the origin of “Stink,”Stank,” “Stunk,” and reframe these behaviors as a self-protection stance. As you will learn, the Grinch was not broken, he was protecting himself.
Principle I in my program focuses, on day one, my guys have everything they need to be successful. Only thing that happened for the Grinch was he connected with Cindy Lou, he eventually trusted her, and she put him in position to change. She did not give him anything tangible, he figured it out himself through connection.
The Law Of Identity - Why Does This Preciseness Matter?
Beginning in childhood, the Grinch learned some behaviors to help him survive in his environment. Unfortunately, as an adult, he is still leaning on those unconscious behaviors. Functioning on autopilot, those "Stink," "Stank," "Stunk," behaviors keep others away.
If I was meeting with the Grinch, all he could tell me is that when he sees the Who’s, “he’s triggered.” An unconscious response that feels like anxiety somewhere in his body. And next thing he knows, he begins to “crash-out.” He engages in a self-protective strategy that will push others away. This will be this community’s definition of “the troubled dance or cycle of disconnection” aka “Your a mean one Mr. Grinch.” Or, based on what or how your partner refers to you during intense fellowship, “You’re a mean one, _____________ insert your name here!”
Question: What is your troubled dance?
I chose the Grinch because I thought he would be easily relatable. He’s struggling and appears to be a knucklehead. However, looking through a mental health professional’s lens, the Grinch was suffering from the impact of childhood trauma. Oprah and Dr. Bruce Lipton spoke about the importance of “it’s not what’s wrong with you, it’s what happened to you.” That’s the story of the Grinch and for many of my guys.
The Grinch was on the outside looking in, isolated and needed some help. Many of my guys get it when I tell them, “we all need a Cindy Lou.” First and foremost this is about our primal need for connection. Second it’s biblical we need somewhere there so when we fall down, there is someone to help pick us back up.
And finally, we all have some form of Mt. Crumpit. That place or thing we escape to that provides protection. In a later communication, I will teach on the negative impact of isolation.
So, based on The LOI, in this community, I plan to bring value as a guide, standing in the shoes of a Cindy Lou. A guide that helps my guys identify the origin of their troubled dance or cycle of disconnection. Figuratively, the dance moves my guys engage in during intense fellowship with their intimate partner. The dance moves that cause them, their partner or both to walk off the dance floor, with no idea of how they got there and how to get back on.
If we were watching the Grinch “crash’n out” on the dance floor, I am going to help you understand who these “Stink,” “Stank,” “Stunk” moves where a form of protest and/or self-protection. When Cindy Lou arrived on the scene, the Grinch was able to soften and change his relational identity because he understood the origin of his cycle. Like my guys, he wasn't broken, he needed Cindy Lou.
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Kris
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The “Stink.” “Stank, “Stunk,” behaviors & our "troubled dance……..”
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I help guys stop their "troubled dance of disconnection" in their intimate relationship through the eyes of the Grinch's behavior.
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