10d • General discussion
Is suffering in your relationship a choice?
Are You Choosing To Suffer?
What’s up community, just wanted to tap into “Stink,” “Stank,” “Stank” blog - come in and either start some trouble or pour into the community.
The “Stink,” “Stank,” “Stank” blog is where I like to share something I came across that can stimulate conversation in the community - so I hop in and just start typing.
“Are you choosing to suffer, like you have a choice or not?” "Is it a choice when you start that troubled dance of disconnection" - "Is it a choice to suffer or fester over the last intense fellowship experiene or the things you don't like about your partner or the relationship in general? So many ways to go with this, so let's go.
Yes, I am coming in hot for this one. You may already be asking, what do you mean am I choosing to suffer?. What are your initial thoughts if I say, “yes pain is unavoidable but suffering is optional?”
*Just notice what comes up for you. And at the end, add a comment about any changes.
Ok, before you click off, let me unpack a thing or two. Here is where I am headed. Over the next couple of posts, I want to intentionally focus on your thinking. The first sentence in the Introduction of the book Winning the War In Your Mind reads “Our lives are always moving in the direction of our strongest thoughts.”
Playing a stronger cord, in the book Don’t believe everything you think, Joseph Nguyen writes, "….although we experience a lot of pain in our lives, suffering is optional. In other words’ pain is unavoidable, but how we react to the events and circumstances that happen in our lives IS UP TO US AND THAT WILL DICTATE WHETHER WE WE SUFFER OR NOT.”
If you are currently struggling with your mental health, that may be a hard line to swallow. You may be saying to yourself - ok Bro, “It feels like I hit rock bottom right now and you are sharing this - this is offensive.” Others may say, for what I am going through right now and you are telling me it’s a choice?’ Or to the meaningful others who leave the guy who is struggling with their mental health - “It’s clear you do not understand the impact of depression - ok Kris this is cute, however, in the words of Lee Corso, “Not So Fast My Friend.”
In complete transparency, I too suffer from my depression and I grew up in a large family. I have lived with family members with mental health issues. Over time I will share my story. For now as we develop our relationship, please understand the subjective nature of the battle with mental health.
I have worked in private practice as a therapist. I have experience understanding the subjective nature of suffering. As a sports psychotherapist, I specialized in performance anxiety. For most of my elite athletes I treated, talent was never the issue, it was their thinking. Over the next couple of posts I share on thinking is the same exact strategies that broke my bad habits of going down the rabbit hole.
This will be both a spiritual journey and psychoeducation. My vision is to help my guys take back and reclaim how they choose to think. To give this community strategies to get out of the hole by changing your thinking.
For example Paul writes in Philippians 4:8-9 ESL. Paul writes, “Finally my friends, THINK about good things. THINK about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, THINK about such things. Whatever you have learned and received from me, what you have heard and seen in me. And the God of peace will be with you.” More on this later.
Here begins the teaching. Bestselling author Craig Groseschel writes, “So if both the Bible and modern science teach us that our lives are moving in the direction of our strongest thoughts, then we need to ask ourselves, “Do I like the direction my thoughts are taking me.” I can hear Coach Moose now from Extreme Execution “Is what you are doing, helping or hurting yo meet your goals?”
Here is the thing. I am making this sound simple, however I know it won’t be easy. The takeaway is OUR THOUGHTS HAVE POWER. Second, WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS. . The way we think is a habit. A habit that drives performance anxiety.
Food for thought: Buddhists say that anytime we experience a negative event in our lives, it’s like being confronted by two arrows that fly our way. The first will be experiencing the physical pain from the impact of the arrow. The second is how we respond emotionally to the first arrow. This is the choice?
Engaging in this type of self-improvement can be tough. If you think about it, the way you respond to the second arrow is a habit This type of thinking requires the discipline of training for your black belt level type thinking. This is training for marathon type thinking. For some this is going to take deep work. Here it is, “some may require working with a therapist.” “We all need a therapist, yes I have one.”
What initially came up for you. And at the end, add a comment about any changes.
*I would encourage you to get you a nice journal for this journey.
As I close,I just want to add, it is important to share. Your feedback around your experiences or questions may help someone else in his community.
“Are you choosing to suffer, like you have a choice or not?/So if I say suffering is a choice, how does that land for you?”
“What’s your thoughts on journaling - pro or con?”
Thank You and I hope this was helpful for you.
Kris, IMFT, MBA CCATP
The information I share falls under coaching and not therapy. The coaching strategies I share have changed the way I think or to helped someone else. I try to engage through evidenced-based strategies that serve others. If a strategy is not evidenced-based, I will let you know.
Disclaimer:
Anything I share is not a substitute for mental health treatment - this is a coaching site. Seek assistance from your trained mental health professional. If you are experiencing a mental emergency dial or text 988 Suicide and Crisis line or 911.
0
0 comments
Is suffering in your relationship a choice?
powered by
skool.com/why-the-grinch-grinches-6670
I help guys stop their "troubled dance of disconnection" in their intimate relationship through the eyes of the Grinch's behavior.
Suggested communities
Powered by