Not in a creepy way… But if you are married, why did you marry your wife? Tax benefits? Health insurance? Money? Sex? You were married because you were first friends, and then you couldn’t get enough of one another. Then life grinds you down and you start going through the motions. Do you know your wife’s favorite flower? Food? Know her favorite things and spoil her with them. Date her. Compliment her. If she’s a mother, encourage her and let her know she’s doing a great job. Write her short notes expressing your love and affection. Be quick to forgive. Show lots of grace. Serve selflessly. Go date your wife bro! Look her in the eyes and let her know how you feel about her. Pray with her!

The answer to that is, of course, no. @Adam Davis has spoken before about how the training we receive as a first responder can be detrimental when applied to our lives and especially our marriage. The 12 year struggle of dealing with my wife's progressively worsening alcohol addiction was definitively made worse by my history as a firefighter. We are trained to save lives through our strength, training, and procedures. 1st responders have a bad habit of not letting go of those we could not save. For decades "my dead" as I came to call them, visited my nightmares asking why I failed to save them. I was so determined that Karen would not join them, so focused on saving her that I failed to realize that only God could do that. Since 2018 she has been in treatment 9 times and has returned to drinking every time. Watching her slowly killing herself was like rolling up on a working house fire, seeing my beloved standing in the window making no effort to escape, and not having any water to extinguish the flames. After I finally received the help I needed in 2020 I came to realize that it was only God's saving grace, and not my own strength that could save her. I gave her over to Him and admitted my own powerlessness. I wish I could tell you this story had a happy ending, but it does not. In April I came to realize that Karen was out of my reach and in order to preserve my own mental wellbeing I must separate from my wife of 17 years. Now I struggle with the 'what ifs'. What if I had the clarity of mind to center our marriage in Christ from the beginning? I was so sure that my own suffering was God's punishment, my own guilt and shame kept me from taking my wife's hand and seeking the Kingdom of God together. What if I had stopped relying on my own strength, and laid Karen at the foot of the cross? I own my failures as a husband, but now I do know that they are forgiven. If you are struggling with addiction in your marriage, be it yours or your beloved, remember that only our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ can heal your afflictions. His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in our weakness.

Tonight's Round Table was excellent. I'm sure Adam could have used the rest after all the driving the last couple days, but he poured himself out for us from the heart. Love well. Love deeply. Serve your wife. Serve your family. The moment I start thinking I deserve grace is the moment I need to repent. The last thing she deserves is me being needy. I'm called to love her as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her (Eph 5:25). How can I fulfill my call if I'm under the weight of the world? Under the weight of the grave? Did the price paid on the cross not cover the cost of my sin? I pray the Holy Spirit peels back the film that keeps me from seeing my wife and family (even the world) as God does. Looking forward to the next discussion.

What if God made marriage more to make us holy, more than to make us happy? Great quote from my pastor this morning.

My wife and I are like-minded in many things, for that I can not express how blessed I am. Where I fall short, she stands tall and anchors me in Christ. Where she falls short, I stand tall and anchor her in Christ. A braided cord indefinitely. But, I know I can serve her better, and I am here for it. My wife deserves the peak performance version of myself, the UNCONQUERED version. Having a place to rest mentally, such as this brotherhood, is critical in my mission. Thank you, each one of you for being here and being proactive.