5d • 💬General
Hearbreak and moving on (with my backstory as an example)
Hi guys, I haven’t really been active in the community, but Tom’s recent post about relationships caught my attention. I noticed most votes were about the dating scene and only a few about heartbreak. I’ve been struggling with moving on for the past half year, so I want to share my experience.
I’ll start with some background so the story makes sense - you can skip to the lessons if you want.
1. Self-improvement
I first got into self-improvement at 17 through a YouTuber called Matt Spear. In the beginning everything felt great - I was improving every day, working out consistently, delaying gratification, and spending more time on things I genuinely enjoyed like making videos instead of chasing quick pleasure.
2. Overcoming loneliness
Soon after, I found Hamza and learned about the red pill. It hit me hard, especially because I was still trying to move on from a girl who had rejected me. His practices made me more disciplined, but I also became very isolated. I started seeing people as “against me” and became antisocial.
What helped was a classmate who sat next to me. Looking back, I’m really grateful to him because talking to him pulled me out of that lonely state. Over the next few months, I reconnected with more classmates and eventually got over the girl.
I’ve always been an introvert, so I wasn’t putting myself out much. But over the next year I grew more mature, joined more social activities, and tried new things. I wasn’t pursuing girls and mostly stuck with groups of guys, but I was at least open to talking to people again.
3. Getting close to someone
Another year passed, with ups and downs, until prom season came around. I didn’t have a prom date, but a good female friend of mine asked me to be her “gentleman” at her prom. The person who was originally supposed to go with her was her cousin, but he couldn’t, so I agreed.
We were classmates back in 4th and 5th grade before she moved away, and I’d always had some suspicion she might like me. I traveled over 250 km and booked a hostel to be there. The prom went great, and afterwards we chatted almost daily. She seemed genuinely happy, which stood out because she used to be more of an “emo” type.
4. Things going wrong
Then everything suddenly changed - slow replies, dry messages, low interest. One day she asked to call, and we actually had a nice 20–30 minute conversation. Around that time, my own prom was coming up and she was invited as my prom date.
Three hours before my prom, she messaged: “I’m not coming.”
I didn’t overreact. I told her it was alright and that I was here if she needed support, but she left me on seen. That’s when I realized how attached I’d become over the past month. I struggled a lot, and I didn’t understand why - we were just friends, after all.
5. Struggling
She messaged me again after two weeks, and since then we’ve chatted occasionally. But the whole summer I went through the same cycle over and over - happy, angry, longing, extremely sad, unmotivated. Whenever we talked, I tried to stay the same friendly, energetic guy, but it drained me. So I kept some conversations rather short.
Recently she texted me again and we had a nice chat, but afterwards I felt socially exhausted for days.
6. Moving on
Eventually I decided it was best to keep my distance, and I haven’t regretted that decision once. I started university, reconnected with old friends, and met new people I’ve grown closer with. I used to label myself as an introvert, but I stopped thinking in strict definitions. People can change.
I began starting conversations with new people at uni and building new bonds. I’m doing much better overall, but I still struggle sometimes and remain “heartbroken” to some extent.
7. Lessons
- Giving yourself space
Distance is one of the best approaches to moving on. At first I was looking at photos of us from prom every day. Only after I stopped did I start feeling more present and focused. The distance hurts, but you need it to heal.
- Having purpose
It doesn’t need to be something huge. Just one goal you show up for every day. For me it was a fitness challenge - 100 squats, 100 dips, 100 pullups, 100 pushups in 4-day rotations, for 100 days. I posted it on YouTube for accountability.
- Connection
You need people. Family, friends, coworkers, new acquaintances - it doesn’t matter, as long as there’s mutual respect. Losing one strong bond leaves a gap, and building other bonds helps you heal. When I was around people, I often completely forgot about the girl, as if nothing had happened.
You might relate to some of this. The advice can help, but you’ll still probably struggle, and that’s normal. I’ve had two major heartbreaks before this one. The first took only around 1–3 months because I spent a lot of time with friends. The second took around 5 months, but still creating distance helped (it was tough because she was my classmate) and eventually talking to more people helped then too. The methods worked for me, but time is also necessary.
Right now I’m still not fully healed, but it hurts a lot less. I have a job (purpose), I stay active, I surround myself with people, and I keep distance from the girl because I know how easily I could get hurt again.
As a final note, consider that the other person might be hurting too, so giving each other space is necessary. It hurts, but it’s part of the medicine.
P.S. Feel free to share advice, criticize anything you disagree with, or talk about your own experiences. I’m curious to hear other people’s perspectives. And Tom, if you’re reading this, take anything useful for future videos. Hope you enjoyed the read and got something out of it.
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Hearbreak and moving on (with my backstory as an example)
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