2h • General discussion
Difficult share for me
Afternoon all and thanks for listening.
I'm having a difficult time at the moment, and it's down to guilt.
My wife and I have been together for 19 years, married for 9.
Before I go any further, I haven't cheated on her or anything like that.
My wife has always had some social anxiety as long as I have known her, but she was able to have a active social life by convincing herself to get over it.
However like many people during lockdown she had a lot of time on her own as I was still working and we weren't allowed to go out.
It was during this time she started to realise that it wasn't just social anxiety, it was something more.
After three years of waiting and lots of crying she finally got some help, it turns out she has ADHD and autism, actually it's called AUDHD.
If you know anything about this subject you'll know that once someone has unmasked and realised that their are reasons to why she feels the way she does, it impossible for some to pretend that they don't have issues and to be honest why should they pretend to be someone they aren't.
I've given a very oversimplified version of what has happened to her.
As a result of my wife's realisation of her problems she stopped going out or at least didn't take it up again after lockdown.
My wife's so called friends didn't much care for the fact that she no longer wanted to be going out and getting drunk with them, so they all stopped talking to her, their was a group of six of them that were all meant to be close, but they just dumped her.
This obviously devastated her and she still cries about it many years on.
I am still friends with many of the girls partners, but I can't talk to them about the situation because they are obviously to close to it.
I did try to patch things up with my wife and the girls, but it didn't work and to be honest they don't deserve my wife as a friend if they are so willing to dump her the way they did.
The fact that I still see the lads is one reason I feel guilty but not the only one.
Where my guilt is worse is because I now feel very lonely because the wife and I don't have a social life together, we very rarely have a meal out or go to the cinema or have fun.
I need that social aspect in my life and want to spend that kind of time with my wife, but we don't and I'm struggling with it.
I end up going out a drinking with other friends and started to go a little more than I should, but I'm missing the wife I meet 19 years ago, and because of this feeling I feel very guilty.
I'm not willing to give up on my wife, I just don't know what to do.
Everyday for my wife can be absolute hell, the ADHD and autism battle against eachother and she can't always handle it.
Another guilt point for me is how exhausted I feel, I work full time, exercise a fair bit, then I'm basically a carer for her too, I try hard to keep it together but struggle lots more lately.
Thanks for reading, I needed to share this and it's the first time I have in this much detail.
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Difficult share for me
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