15d • 💬 General Discussions
Vulnerability post
Y’all, I just wanted to share because I feel so stressed out right now.
I feel so much internal pressure to be somewhere I’m not. For one, I’m a huge planner, so in my mind, I want to get things sorted before I just start doing stuff. I want to have systems in place. I want to be clear about what I’m selling. I want to have a website and social media. I don’t want to spend a ton of money learning through failure. I want to think things through.
I mean, obviously I will fail and learn through that, but there are parts of that process I can avoid, and if I can avoid them, I want to.
For example, I know I need an effective booking process. I could just attract clients and look silly with my booking process, and that’s how I discover what I need. Or I can think through what I would want the process to look like as a client and build that before finding my clients.
Stuff like that. I don’t want to learn through unnecessary trial and error. I want to build a strong foundation and then build my house on it.
But this takes time and intentionality, and that stops me from actually booking events and making money.
Second, I feel stressed because I feel like I need money I don’t have. I have an emergency savings fund I could pull from, but I’m struggling with the balance of: Is it wise to take from that when my work life is so unstable? Or is that what betting on myself looks like, and there’s wisdom in that choice?
Then there’s the comparison and mental back-and-forth.
I see this small event company I used to work for, and the thing I compare the most is the fact that she’s actively booking jobs and doing the thing. But then again, she is the MAIN motivation for me to build systems the way I want to.
Working for her made me see so many issues in the way she built things by just jumping off the cliff that I want to avoid because they’re super hard to change once you’re already in the trenches.
So it’s this mental back-and-forth between: Am I planning too much and not just doing? Or am I right where I should be and just need to be patient?
Am I wasting or burying my talents, or am I being diligent in my work?
Is it unwise to use my extremely limited resources to buy what I need and jump in? Or is that wise so I can stop procrastinating?
These aren’t purchases that will be relevant later either. They’re necessary right now.
I think it’s also because I’m going through a transition with my job and finding a job has been really difficult for me so in reality I just want to quit and live off my business but that’s insanely unrealistic right now. So that’s the based of the pressure I feel like if I would’ve started earlier or actually started booking earlier maybe I’d be at a place now where I could live off this business and not have to work for someone else. But then AGAIN. Everyone I’m comparing myself to didn’t have that story. One picnic lady was a super successful corporate Girlie and built her business with those funds ( which is not my situation or story) most of the other picnic girlies are wives who have the support of their husbands ( which is not my story) the picnic lady I use to work for for one lives with her family rent free and still works a full time corporate job so she has money to put to this ( which is not my story) and even the super successful event business I work for now has repeatedly said she would not be successful at all if she started when she was my age.
So on one hand I recognize the timeline pressure is irrational but I’m still frustrated with myself that this is taking this long. I’ve been toying with this idea for three years now. And I’ve grown a lot and learned a ton since then but I’m still not actually selling or booking ( even free / practice) events.
I just wanted to share. Maybe this resonates with someone.
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Vulnerability post
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