This work is changing me · The MAGDALENE Network

This work is changing me

Things are breaking loose in my body. The pain I’ve been carrying for years, tension, spasms, there’s a deep release happening. I have fibromyalgia and even wearing clothes hurts often, I have full body numbness, tingling, and spasms. I’ve lived with squeezing rib pain that goes back years and had ER visits for spasms in my chest the were so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn’t wear a bra for five years (not that I want to, but they’re occasionally nice for my big ol grandma knockers, especially for sweat catching purposes) until very recently and they have to be very soft bralette type things even now. But something is changing. I’m having more good-ish days. I can feel things loosening, even my jaw and shoulders are more relaxed instead of bracing from pain or for life’s impacts. I’m even feeling my throat relaxing and that is the hardest one to explain, but the muscles aren’t squeezing as tightly. It’s like there’s an unbinding happening in me physically. Woman, though art loosed. For real.

And, I’m suddenly able to drop deeply into my heart space in a new and profound way when I’m meditating. I am seeing a glowing and pulsing portal in the center of me that my mind takes me to over and over, and the coolest part (there are no coincides) is that it looks like the art I’ve been creating for literal years- Virgin Mary/portal/vagina/divine feminine symbols. I’ve collected them, painted them, drawn them, and create embroidery art of them. I thought I’d been staring at too much of my embroidery work lately when it first started happening. But now I’m certain I’ve been leading myself here. For years and years my Knowing, my subconscious, Source, all the Mary’s were guiding me to this place. This place inside me that is connecting me to the divine and to my own divinity for what feels like my soul’s homecoming. And, to have found it at this exact moment and crossroads, when my healing heart needs it most, I am in all sorts of WHOA. There’s a glittery disco ball portal of light in my heart space and I want to live there full time. Or go through it to see what’s on the other side. Maybe this is what rebirth feels like. Go. Toward. The. Light. 🌹

(One of my embroideries from this week/actual photo of how my heart space is feelin lately)

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This work is changing me