22h • Personal Reflections 🪞
The Moment I Almost Walked Away From My Own Business…
Yesterday I had a conversation that cracked something open.
Not the kind of business conversation about strategy or content or marketing.
A real one.
The kind that makes you stop hiding from yourself.
And if I’m honest… I almost didn’t want to have it.
Because the truth sitting underneath everything was uncomfortable.
Really uncomfortable.
When I was asked what was going on with my fire for my business, the first thing that came out of my mouth surprised even me.
I said: “I miss how it was before… when there was more engagement.”
I miss when people were talking inside the space.
When they were connecting with each other.
Even if it wasn’t a lot… it still felt good.
It felt alive.
And then the next truth landed.
“I know it’s kind of my fault… because I pulled back. I’ve been inconsistent.”
That was the part I didn’t want to say out loud.
But it was true.
And when I was asked what was underneath that…
The word came immediately.
Worthiness.
“Am I worthy to be the one who holds this space?”
Am I worthy to create something that other people step into?
And right behind that was another truth.
Fear of rejection.
A pattern that has been running my life for a very long time.
If I’m honest… it’s been my operating mode since I was about 10 or 11 years old.
So we’re talking about something that has been wired into me for over 30 years.
When that fear shows up…
My instinct is to hide.
To pull back.
To disappear into the cave.
Because hiding feels safer than risking rejection.
Then I was asked a question that stopped me in my tracks.
“If someone you cared about told you this about their business… what would you say to them?”
And suddenly the answer was obvious…
I would tell them they don’t have to carry everything alone.
I would tell them they’re a beautiful person inside.
I would tell them they deserve support.
Funny how easily we can say those things to someone else…
And how hard they are to believe for ourselves.
The deeper truth that came out in that conversation was this:
I’ve been running my business from survival mode.
Fight or flight.
And when your nervous system is living there…
Everything feels heavy.
Even the things you once loved.
The connection.
The conversations.
The community.
They start to feel like pressure instead of joy.
But something shifted.
I was asked to close my eyes and breathe.
Then I was given three options.
- Keep building the business with full commitment.
- Pause and step back.
- Walk away completely.
And I was asked to notice how each one felt in my body.
Not logically.
In my body.
When I imagined walking away… nothing happened.
When I imagined pausing… it felt neutral.
But when I imagined continuing to build it…
Something surprised me.
Excitement.
Actual excitement.
It was the only feeling that stayed.
And then something else came up in my mind.
A reminder.
“You did the scary thing before.”
Ten months ago I left my entire life behind and moved across the world.
Alone.
That was terrifying.
But I did it.
So why was I acting like I couldn’t do this?
The truth is…
This business isn’t just a business.
It’s also a mirror.
The fear that I’m “not worthy” to hold a space?
That isn’t about the community.
That’s about how worthy I feel of myself.
The fear of rejection?
That isn’t about other people rejecting me.
It’s about how often I reject myself first.
And that realization hit hard.
But it also gave me clarity.
Because underneath all the fear…
The excitement is still there.
So I made a decision.
I’m not walking away.
I’m not pausing.
I’m continuing.
But this time with honesty about what’s really been happening behind the scenes.
Because if I’ve learned anything from this conversation, it’s this:
I know I’m not the only one who has ever questioned their worth.
I know I’m not the only one who has pulled back when fear showed up.
I know I’m not the only one who has hidden in the cave.
And maybe the most powerful thing we can do…
Is stop pretending we have it all together.
And just say the truth out loud.
Because connection doesn’t come from perfection.
It comes from honesty.
If something in this story resonated with you…
I’d love to hear your truth, too, even if it feels a little uncomfortable to say out loud.
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The Moment I Almost Walked Away From My Own Business…
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