Oct 8 • General discussion
From "Stop Crying" to "I'm Here With You": Breaking the Cycle
Hey Superparents,
Let's take a quick trip down memory lane. How many of us heard these phrases growing up?
- "Stop crying, you're fine."
- "If you don't stop, I'll give you a real reason to cry."
- "Lower your voice. You're making a scene."
For many of our parents, the focus was on appearing like the "perfect family." An emotional or crying child was often seen as a reflection of bad parenting, so the impulse was to shut feelings down quickly. We were taught to bottle things up.
The result? We may have had freedom, but many of us lacked a deep emotional connection, and we never truly learned that it was okay to be sad, angry, or hurt. We needed someone to sit with us in our pain, but our parents often didn't have the tools because no one ever did it for them.
But here is where we are the cycle-breakers.
What we are doing differently has a powerful name in developmental psychology: Co-regulation.
A foundational article from the Institute of Child Psychology describes co-regulation as a process where a calm adult lends their nervous system to a distressed child to help them feel safe and return to a calm state. When we get down on our child's level after a fall and say, "That was a big fall, I'm right here with you," we are not just comforting them. We are literally helping to build the neural pathways in their brain for future self-regulation.
You don't need to fix their problem in that moment. You just need to be their safe space.
This is the gift we give our children. We are teaching them that their feelings are valid, that they are not an inconvenience, and that they will never be alone in their struggles. Every time you choose connection over correction during a meltdown, you are changing the future.
Good job, Superparents. Let's keep tackling those booboo's together. ❤️
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From "Stop Crying" to "I'm Here With You": Breaking the Cycle
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