Buying/using an app-controlled toy has been on my to-do list for some time now. Last week I had an opportunity to get a sweet friends & family discount through a friend. So, I had her send me pictures of some of my options. I'm always drawn to cute colors and clever names first. But eventually I settled down my whimsy and started thinking about where I would use it, etc. I decided on the CalExotics Connect Venus Butterfly. It was the sensible choice I told myself. I knew that the "rabbit" bit would be effective, and as someone who never uses penetration during masturbation, I thought this would be a good chance to "get used to it". When I arrived at the store a few days later to make my purchase, I felt an odd tension in my body. It felt like a mix of dread and fear. It was strong enough that I couldn't ignore it. I found myself getting a bit emotional. I was confused, but not really. Here's the thing... I have struggled with penetration during sex. Most of the time I didn't realize it because I was so disconnected from my body. My brain got excited, my heart was all in, but my body tends to lag far behind. That meant that almost every time I had sex, I accepted penetration before my body was ready. Standing in front of that toy, feeling a lump of stone developing in my gut, my body was remembering all of those moments. My eyes darted to the right, no longer able to look at that Venus Butterfly. Like magic, the box next to it was another app-controlled toy that was just for external play. My body felt a flush of relief, and I took it gleefully to the counter. It made me curious about all of the ways that "no" and "yes" show up in our bodies. I'm still learning mine! Please share some of yours below. They don't even have to be about sex. By the way, I have made great progress with noticing and listening to my body more thanks to Sexual Mindfulness. I'll share much more about this in the future!

Sexual dysfunction is defined as an ongoing challenge in one or more areas of the sexual response (desire, arousal and/or orgasm). AND it must cause you significant distress. If you’re someone who enjoys sex without the need to orgasm, carry on. They can result from biological factors such as hormone imbalances, medication side effects, or cardiovascular disease so you should always consult a doctor if you’re concerned. However, in many cases, “dysfunction” can be a result of relational stress, performance anxieties, or simply not clearly understanding what you want. That’s where pleasure education comes in!

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