Entitled boundaries · Parenting Adult Children Today

Entitled boundaries

What do you think about this?

In a Facebook group someone asked if they should send a birthday card to her 40-year old estranged son.

Responses were mixed- for and against.

One person wrote this: “No !!!..this is what i was told .....Sending cards or gifts to estranged adult children is often discouraged because it can be interpreted as a violation of their boundaries, leading to increased conflict or shutting down possibilities for future reconciliation. Such actions may be viewed as pressure, manipulation, or ignoring their request for distance, rather than loving gestures.”

WTF seriously? So who is it all about now? Who - therapists - dreams this crap up to explain away and justify the behavior of an entitled child. I would send the card because I want to and because I am not playing a game. I would write only a one liner like “Thinking of you on your special day. Love, Mom”.

Full stop. There you did it - for you - to not send a card when you have done so year after year also sends a message.

No long note about being sorry for everything (when the victim blames herself to make peace), I want to see you and talk to you about how we can reconcile, etc blah blah.

Either way, a one liner with the expectation of no response or a longer heartfelt message that will further break your heart when they don’t respond?

And the game continues.

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