It’s a simple question to ask someone especially if you’re in pain. This one simple question can make people pay attention to you and recognize you’re not full of shit. Please be Ernst in seeing if they are or call them on it and call them a liar. Tell them you know it’s rough especially if they’ve lost a loved one. Tell them you’d like to hear their frustrations or hear their stories about how they’ve gotten where they are and give encouragement not bullshit that isn’t genuine. Open up about your own feelings but don’t make it about you. The suicide hotline is a joke and it’s easier to just talk sometimes. It’s hard for people to open up sometimes you just need to care.

To a temporary problem. #sucide such a nasty word. I’ve tried 6 times myself not including all the medical procedures I’ve had. The first time I was 13. I was horrifically bullied by my peers and my dad. I took a whole bottle of aspirin and was really sick for 3 days.. The second I took a razor blade when I was 16 and slashed the back of my head. I have a brain tumor and the pressure was so bad I couldn’t function. The 4th time I ended up in a nut house after I’d taken all my pills for coping with y issues post brain surgery. The 5th time a dr had me on an 8ball of fentanyl for 4 years. I had a psychiatrist tell me he was trying to kill me but I didn’t want to believe that. Then I woke up in the hospital barfing as they got it out of my system. The 6th time I ended up in a nut house longerthan a 3 day hold and they started to do an illegal clinical trial on me. But the last time…. I do stand up comedy and my joke is “I’m an absolute failure. If you’re going to fail at something might as well be suicide.” I ended up in a nursing home because I got hypoxia. I couldn’t walk for 6 weeks. They had to restate me 3 x in the ambulance. I Remember waking up barely when I hit the table seeing “the light” I shit the bed. I didn’t get out of bed and had to be fed by a tube in my chest until I could eat solid food. I had to learn how to walk again, get my strength up riding a bike and got up to an hour. I was a mess. My dogs were ecstatic when I got home after 5 months. You’ll end up somewhere you don’t want to be when they save you and everyone you know will judge you. At least that’s been my experience.

It's the holidays and it's a time of grief that is compounded by ruminating of the good ol days or shifty remembrance. I have several, the good, the bad and the ugly. First the ugly. I'm a widow now for 8 years. I was with him 14 years and my mother RIP said it takes just as long to grieve someone as long as you were with them. I call bullshit on that because it's been 27 years since she's been gone. I was 25 when she passed. I was in my 40s when granny died. I think of her everyday and every time I spend money becausemy pin is her birthday. I was in 30s when pop died and never met his grandson. He died like most men should. Taking out the trash. My flight arrived the day after he passed and I always mourn that i changed my ticket by a day but am grateful I was there with my grandma. I have many mixed feelings about losing my husband but more loss About the estrangement from my son for the last 5 years. We used to be so close but my illnesses took their toll on our relationship just as they did my husband. I'll write more later but just remember you are not alone. Please post or email if youd prefer a more private way to express yourself.