What happens when your timelines shift is accelerating

Hey, I don’t know why I am writing this here, but maybe some will relate. It’s not a cry for help, it’s not me feeling helpless and powerless anymore. After all, this is a game we all are tested in constantly. And I know it is working out for me. I allow it this time to take me where I am most scared of: towards my real power.

I might seem delusional. And maybe I am. But it’s the only way now. I refuse any other way. I am no longer repeating what all my ancestors kept repeating.

I recently completely outgrown the Netherlands.

What brought me there was mere survival and the illusion of love, distorted love. I have projected.

I felt called these days back to Spain. Didn’t fully understand why. But it has become extremely clear that the land called me to release what poisoned me. I am again sovereign in my own body. Really releasing the suffering, and transitioning to my highest timeline.

It’s not just words, it’s integration and embodiment. I am ready even though I am extremely scared, EXTREMELY SCARED.

Today, I received and email from the employer I am working for on the island (small isolated island in the Netherlands, how symbolic. Have been in the void there).

They fired me and others through email. They fired me, even though I am on so-called holiday, even though they reassured me before that there will be work for me during winter too.

They want to save money, it’s a long story, they don’t care about the employees. I didn’t even get my last month’s tips :)) It’s a very heavy place to work in, energetically. Negativity, addiction, chaotic overall.

And it’s symbolic that I ended up there, after ending a relationship before I even allowed it to evolve. I chose instability again over stability at the cost of losing myself and ditch God’s highest plan for me.

Then the workplace I chose under pressure was like a test: is this what you want? Is this what love is to you? Because my idea of love and home has been distorted in general, I was born in chaos after all.

So even if consciously I would crave pure love, real friendships, true home - my deep subconscious beliefs and attachments would attract the opposite, over and over again.

And it has been my superpower and greatest honour to navigate all that, to love more deeply, to have even more compassion. But it also unraveled many aspects of my shadow that I maybe didn’t wanna admit were there, that it was me all along creating that reality for myself. I created purpose in it. I will cherish it forever. But I no longer want to give at the cost of my energy, my health, my peace, my desires.

Plus, I have been hating the place since I started. And all I was thinking about was leaving it, but not so soon!

I wanted to have a clear plan first.

The thing is that they also provided some sort of accommodation. (Before anyone says I am homeless, keep that spell away from me please. No one truly has a home, it can all be taken away in a second by Nature. She is the true home. My home which is toxic is in Romania, but it has been taken away from me, at least my part of it. So I have tried to create my own in different places, but it’s truly not so much about the place but the people. I want to meet my home through people, to feel they are my home. And then create a physical one too. In time)

And now they are waiting for me to collect my belongings and leave. I haven’t replied to the email yet, or called, nothing. Because I am in shock.

I have said to God that I am ready for a massive change, last night. But I didn’t expect it to be this way. I am forced to leave that place. (You ask, you shall receive).

It’s a brutal way, though. But it’s needed, because i would have stalled… I really felt scared to do whatever felt more aligned, so there was no choice but to be forced to choose. It’s soooo much pressure rn.

Right now I am processing. And I am grateful, because I trust God that it has way better plans for me.

My trip back to Spain is truly the tipping point of my expansion and outgrowing living like this. I no longer wish to work for unconscious people. I no longer wish to offer my energy where it is not honoured. Not just workplaces, people, places.

But now I am in this liminal space.

I knew the time for me to choose what direction I want to take would come, I was avoiding thinking about it. Scared. Desiring things but then convincing myself that I am not there yet, that I need to become better, to prove I am worth something. It’s deeply ingrained in my subconscious that if I don’t generate money currently like others do from their gifts - it means that I am worthless.

But I have my own timeline, I blossom in that way in my own time. Everything until now has been so needed for me to get where I am. It has all unfolded exactly as it needed to. Until now I felt that I was in charge fully, but I awakened from that and see that it was mainly my fears. But they taught me so much.

I had to desire money, to then realise that money will not make me happy, to see how we are all controlled in the most unconscious ways by it, I had to reject it, to then accept the paradox and desire money, but detached. It’s not about money, it’s about how people use it, how I use it. Still have to play the game.

I have no idea what to expect, what is next.

There is no plan.

My plan was to build here a sort of financial base, in order to be able to then move more easily in the direction my soul wants (when it comes to allowing money to flow in my life). But I didn’t plan to get fired.

So I, again, have to really trust God’s plan, even when the survival instincts kick in. It’s really testing me: will you let fear invading you again?

Or are you gonna stay open to walk fiercely towards your highest timeline? Even when it seems that you have nothing and all the odds are against you?

And no, I do not have a family to support me, to go to, to retreat. Never had that. They would probably tell me I worship Satan. Or would treat me as a failure, push me to join their suffering. Never had support. It’s all distorted like that. It’s the last place I would want to be in. It’s what activates my fear of losing my mind, like my mother did, or fall into addiction to escape from that painful reality, then die, like my father. But it would be more scary to lose my mind and still be alive. Cause others would have to care for me, I would be a burden. Instead of me caring for them. So no.

Will not go back to ask for help. It’s all so much more entangled than that. It’s really my personal hell. :)

Will go back only when I am fully in my power.

Now the direction is different.

But unknown.

(I know it’s a long post, but I do not wish to summarise or ask Chatgbt to make it more digestible, I do not want to fragment myself rn. But also if this is not appropriate for some reason, it can be deleted. I am capable of delivering it in a different way, but I want it to be raw. I do not want to perform and try hard to be understood, cause that’s not the point. There’s really no outcome. This is more clear as I finish writing the post. It’s now pure curiosity but also detachment.

If there’s resonance, good, if not, also good. It also helps me accept more this side me of that spirals a bit, I see it as I am writing.

It helps my brain make so thousands of connections at the speed of light haha but I get if this might come across as leaking here in the community. Idk. To me this is just a form of expression)

Hmm, maybe me writing all this was actually escaping and distracting myself - especially through many tangents. Distracting myself from the fact that I received the email minutes ago. Escaping from the fact that it is happening right now. That change is inevitable. That I am forced to. And now I write even more :) It’s all real tho. As real as it gets.

And now I wanna delete this, but I won’t.

Here’s my reality, people.

Here’s me, raw.

In writing.

Because writing is one of my loves <3

And I love it imperfectly, too.

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