What’s up Everyone! My name is Tristan, friends call me T with any sort of variation (Skinny T, Smokey T, Trippy T, Sleepy T 🤷♂️😂) whatever describes the moment really, I Am that haha. And to sum all the possible variations into one I just started calling myself Infinite-T (:
I thought this name to be perfect for myself because it has been the contemplation of Infinity and Consciousness that led me down this spiritual path and to some incredibly enlightening experiences.
I’ve had my battles with depression, addiction, crippling fear and anxiety, and it has been this journey I call The Path to Greater Understanding that has kept me here to explore for as long as I have. And it has become my life’s purpose to help others on their own journey of self-discovery, to be a light, guide and friend through the inevitable darkness.
Brief summary of my own journey: I was born in Michigan, moved to California to stay with my dad after high school, and eventually moved back home after my darkest time. To back track, I was raised from a scientific/analytical perspective more so than the spiritual, but my fascination came quick when out of genuine curiosity I started asking what God is. I always respected all the different traditions of faith but that was the one concept I of course couldn’t wrap my head around.
Eventually I realized all faiths essentially define their interpretation of God (Allah, Brahman, Source, Beloved, etc. I’m not overly attached to the name) as being infinite. Whether it is eternal, omnipresent, “in all things”, whatever, they all mean infinity to me. So I looked at the math side and realized the concept of infinity is equally ineffable and literally impossible to ever grasp in full totality in the scientific perspective and along with religious and non religious stories (The Egg by Andy Weir is my all-time favorite, it’s a short story like 5 minute read if you haven’t checked it out or read it in a while its message is fantastic) finally it clicked and my whole world changed.
Granted, this changing in perspective has not been easily managed and there have been many deep abysses since beginning to expand my own understanding of Infinity. It truly is a balancing act of the progressively higher degrees haha.
The first time these ideas began to click I was filled with wonderful energy, realized universal interconnectedness and essentially felt high completely sober. I was inspired to help others feel this for themselves but lost my own grasp of the energy in the process and fell into a long and deep depression.
The second time these ideas clicked was a little over a year later and it catapulted me out of that depression and again I was inspired to help others feel the same. This time I was much more direct in the process however and I didn’t realize just how opposed others would be to listen. Many did find my words very inspiring and encouraged me to keep going, but the people closest to me recognized the change within me as being groundless and cause for concern. To be fair, I hadn’t been practicing grounding techniques much at the time and my intense energy likely came across as abrasive to those family members I was most trying to help see what I was seeing.
I was in a blissful and euphoric mind state and I felt a very present sense of direct communication with the universe, and I of course could not put into words in a way that did it justice, but by trying, my dad decided I needed to be put into a psych ward.
With no history of diagnosed mental issues I wound up in three different mental hospitals in one month, maintaining this conscious state through the first two but then crashing hard in the third one. I went from feeling universally connected to completely and utterly alone. What followed was 6 months between 2 treatment facilities and the most existential pit of despair ive yet to experience.
I ended up moving back to Michigan at the end of 6 months in treatment after no progress mentally, and it took me two years before gaining the courage to look at this path again.
But now I’m here again, practicing grounding and meditations this time and finding ways to express these feelings through music, art, storytelling, and communities like this one.
Theres obviously so much more (infinite more perhaps 😉) that I’m excited to continue exploring with you all but I figure this is long enough for an intro haha
Thank You so much for Being Here with me.
I Love You All!! (:
-Infinite-T ♾️❤️