My breakthrough story - trigger warning +

Hey fam, ngl feeling quite self conscious to share my story.. I've tried to summarise everything, and it still feels quite lengthy..

I haven't really thought of "versions" that help "my brand", and I've just written everything that has come out. Not sure if I'm forgetting something but hey, can't overthink it.

I have left out the most hardcore / triggering details because I feel is somewhat trauma dumping.

I think you get the drill with what I wrote?

Not sure if to take out more stuff.

If anyone has any feedback it is most welcome!

Not a touchy subject for me (anymore) and I would appreciate the guidance.

Anyway, here it goessss.

❤️‍🔥

1. Before:

I was born in Spain. Forced birth, I spent my first 15 days of life in an incubator. I cried so much, I had surgery for 2 hernias when I was only 15 days. I grew up moving cities every couple of years, so I’d be constantly the new kid. I spent most summers with my mom’s family in the small town they lived in Cádiz, Andalucia. My parents were always working, which I appreciated mostly, as my dad was very abusive emotionally and physically. I grew up as a warrior kid, defending others from bullying or abuse, with no one to defend me...

2. Crisis:

By the time I turned 13, I was feeling so destroyed, lost & trapped that I tried to kill myself. I tried the same the following year. The 2nd time the police was alerted by the hospital. I had been mostly locked at home for years (unless in school), so I started to escape my house when I could, spending my days writing poetry, journaling, making rap, graffiti, drinking, and chilling, hiding under a bridge with my crew.

One day, my mom lied to me and asked me to go somewhere to pick up paperwork with her. She took me to a court hearing where the police asked about why the suicide attempts & running away from home – but I hated the police so much that I didn’t open my mouth. They ended up throwing me into a cell illegally, and taking me to a girls institution 8 hours later. My parents had my custody revoked & I became a ward of the estate. The environment was unsafe, but it saved my life in other ways.

When I came out, after I turned 18, I tried to make life work living with an ex & his mom, but I couldn’t find a job so I had to quit my studies (photography in School of Arts). I found someone on the internet who offered a room in exchange for babysitting, so within 2 weeks I moved to London alone, with no money & without speaking English. First time on a plane too.

3. Chase:

The babysitting job didn’t last more than 1 month, as the lady turned out to be horrible! She was very jealous of me because her ex was weird, one night she had a go at me and made me cry. I packed my stuff that night and left the place with no plan the day after.A friend was visiting that weekend, so we stayed in the hotel together & found another au pair job within 2 days. After a month, this other family tried to take advantage of me by making me work double for the same wages… I didn’t know what to do, so I went to meet some people from the internet to make friends & get my mind off. I found someone who needed a roommate at that dinner, and moved with him the day after.

4. Conflict:

After moving to Camden, I got a job in a bar as glass collector. I then started to make friends, and falling into a hole. I started trying all drugs I could get my hands on, and drinking lots. It was all play! And to be honest… drugs really help to learn a language if you’re shy. I’d go out on Sunday & come back on Wednesday (only because I worked on Thursdays). I was hanging out with all sorts: goths, rappers, chavs, gangs.. In danger many times, but thankfully always safe.

Eventually had to quit drugs as I was becoming dependent, but kept drinking. Got a job as assistant manager in a metal bar, and eventually music promoter (as I wanted to catch up on all gigs I had missed out on).My drinking went through the roof… I kept mainly celibate unless in a committed relationship, but I would get into a lot of fights (99% time with men in bars).

Even though I always kept going to therapy, I felt trapped & miserable. One night, a friend of mine disappeared after leaving the bar I worked at. We found her body 3 days later in a park, she had been murdered at 21 years of age. I had to deal with the police myself, as I was the last to ever see her. This destroyed me, and I ended up moving to the mountains in Spain shortly after that. I was 25.There I got into the most abusive relationship I’ve had for about 4 years.

Despite the abusive relationship, during my time in Spain I managed to get sober (I still dont drink), and went to therapy a LOT. I did a lot of shadow work. I lost a couple of friends back in London to drugs. So I had to really go deep into my patterns of guilt, grief and shame. I also managed to study coding, so I started to embrace a ‘laptop lifestyle’. I had 2 jobs at the time most of the time during my life, so this was a big improvement.

One day, I was waiting at home for my best friend (we met in London) but she never turned up. She had a plane crash (was a pilot) an hour before meeting me, and died instantly. This sent me into an even bigger depression. I was so scared of loving or opening up to anyone, as everyone seemed to leave me.

Just before I turned 29 I managed to leave the abusive relationship, and spent 6 months travelling & visiting friends. I eventually went back to London, and depression was almost unbearable again. (It got so bad that I was on 5 different meds, and was thinking of ending it again.)

I felt called to try magic mushrooms, and got the download of taking 5g of Golden Teacher. I had no idea of the amounts, or effects, but I knew I had to do it.

This triggered my biggest awakening into spirituality, even though I had been doing (non egoic) witchcraft since I was 12.

I saw the tree of life, and experienced a complete ego dissolution. I found myself as one-with-all in a tunnel, where there was no sense of time. I couldn’t feel my body, I could feel so much expansion and love. I saw and understood oneness like never before. Also understood depression, I saw how we are all connected, I saw how we ARE all actually love.

I had to remember who I was and what made me “me” to come back to my body on Earth. After that experience, life was never the same...

5. Breakthrough:

I had always been outspoken, unafraid and conscious, but my journey with Golden Teacher took it to a whole new level. I understood I was on a mission. My body got super sick, I could barely sleep or eat. I had a kundalini awakening that left me in bed for a couple of months, along with the biggest dark night of the soul of my life. Then everything started making more sense...

I had acquired so many skills throughout my life: coding, social media management, video editing, social skills, land work, and my psychic abilities became much more heightened. I understood that I was here for a reason, & stopped wanting to give up.I found out I had been dreaming of Glastonbury, so I came to visit for my birthday. 2 months after, I moved here despite all my friends calling me crazy & scared of me being so sick & on my own. I just knew I had to, and once I know something, nothing can stop me.

6. After:

When I got to Glastonbury, I started prioritising healing my body & mind. I quit all my meds. I took my IUD out & connected with my womb (instead of avoiding & numbing). I had always been authentic, but this time I wasn’t hiding anymore. I didn’t care if others projected onto me when I speak my truth, because I understand it all now. I did inner child/parts work, the biggest healing that taught me to love & protect myself, trust my intuition, get ready for my soul mission...

I literally found myself.

I ended up quitting my corporate job, and trusting that my gifts will support my New Earth mission. Reclaiming my voice and not being scared to disrupt what needs to be disrupted.

Now my life is about service & sovereignty, witnessing others find themselves, spreading love, anchoring truth & courage.

❤️‍🔥

Thanks for reading 💜

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