Invisible Labor Assignments · Mental Load Basics

Paul K.

Jan '25 • Intro

Invisible Labor Assignments

Went through the entire set and posting them all here at once!

Domestic / Physical Labor Assignment

D/P Labor I do at home: Cooking, maintaining the kitchen, garbage, cleaning clutter, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning bathrooms + garage, kids showers, bedtimes, diapering.
D/P Labor I do in career: Keeping my desk clean
D/P Labor my partner does at home: Caring for infant, laundry, some cooking, some dishes, feeding kids, diapering.
D/P Labor my partner does in career: Clutter-free workspace

Clerical/Admin Labor Assignment

C/A Labor I do at home: Bringing in/sorting mail, managing photos, insurance.
C/A Labor I do in career: Review/respond to emails.
C/A Labor my partner does at home: Reviewing financial info/bills.
C/A Labor my partner does in career: Review/respond to emails.

Clerical/Admin Labor Assignment

Cognitive Labor I do at home: Cleaning/organizing the kitchen/living areas, deciding on meals, keeping track of the trash/diapers, how much food we have, figuring out what we need for a specific day/trip
Cognitive Labor I do in career: Planning for the quarter, strategies, tactics, planning outreach, preparing for calls.
Cognitive Labor my partner does at home: Keeping on top of calendars/events/social gatherings, making sure the kids have clothes that fit, preparing for birthdays, researching/planning vacations.
Cognitive Labor my partner does in career: Looking at various career paths/options.

Emotional Labor Assignment

Emotional Labor I do at home: managing toddlers’ emotional states in the mornings, evenings, preparing them for the next part of the day
Emotional Labor I do in career: managing customers experiences, considering how colleagues perceive me, considering how managers perceive me, considering how my communication is received.
Emotional Labor my partner does at home: All aspects of toddler + infant emotional states, managing my status depending on sleep/stress, considering the experience that people have when they visit us, and when we visit them.
Emotional Labor my partner does in career: considering how colleagues perceive her, considering how managers perceive me, considering how my communication is received.

Research / Educational Labor Assignment

Research / Educational Labor I do at home: Food prep/nutrition research, learning how other kids are developing quickly, researching what sports are learned at what age.
Research / Educational Labor I do in career: Customer stories, teaching myself new software tools, staying up to date on legal industry + trends + general technology.
Research / Educational Labor my partner does at home: Researching how/when to go on vacations, how to afford them, what schools the kids go to, what the kids learn at home, their extra curricular activities, experiences, our family’s experiences/outings.
Research / Educational Labor my partner does in career: Continuing education and credentialing.

Care Labor Assignment

Care Labor I do at home: Making sure toddlers are fed, trying to balance the load that my wife feels day to day, week to week.
Care Labor I do in career: Customers’ journeys and ensuring that they’re getting their professional needs met from our company.
Care Labor my partner does at home: All aspects of infant care, + making sure the toddlers are fed, warm, safe, adequately entertained, eating enough, communicating with each other, making sure school forms are signed and ready.
Care Labor my partner does in career: All aspects of how her patients are feeling, from going into the hospital to leaving.

Kin Keeping Assignment

Kin Keeping I do with my family: Texting/calling both sides of family, sending birthday texts, updates, planning holidays.
Kin Keeping I do in my career: Relationships with long-term customers, new customers, texting/emailing/calling.
Kin Keeping with my friends: Sending pictures of kids, asking how they’re doing, scheduling calls, inviting friends over for games.
Kin Keeping my partner does with their family: Calls/texts with her family and mine, managing relationship with her mom,
Kin Keeping my partner does in their career: Keeping up relationships with her colleagues, classmates, and former colleagues.
Kin Keeping my partner does with friends: Texting/calling them, birthday messages + videos, planning events at our house, coordinating events at friends’ homes, planning trips with other families, sharing/taking pictures.

Kin Keeping Assignment

Something that I give my partner grace for in her matrescence: when there are issues beyond my control that are taken out on me, I try to understand that there are issues beyond me and that I don’t need to make it about me. Mommy guilt: gently nudging and asking her to go out to brunch or other meals without forcing it, an open-ended offer to do so.
A societal expectation that I think weighs on her in her matrescence: Mommy guilt of feeling that everyone is judging her for what our kids look like, act like; breastfeeding and the ups/downs that come with it, along with the inability to be away from our infant for more than a couple of hours, that she has to lose weight quickly after giving birth.

• 3. A privilege I experience in becoming a father rather than going through matrescence: I do not have a baby inside or attached to me for the last 6 years, and my body has only changed due to what I’ve done (eating or exercising). My weight hasn’t fluctuated by 30% while I physically carried a child inside me, and my internal organs have never moved. My clothes still fit, I can still buy the same clothes, nobody will judge the clothes I wear based on how many kids I have. Others won’t judge me based on how my kids look or act.

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