I’m reading through the bible this year chronologically! I’m setting a 3 chapter a day average minimum,, but beyond that reading as much as I can every day to see how fast I’ll get through! Have you read the whole bible!? How did it affect you?

As a girl, growing up in a very rigid Mennonite community, I understood my place as a woman. It was under the foot of a man. It was to be less favoured by God, his after thought. It was to be future servant to my husband. It was to never be heard. It was to hide the fact that I was a woman, lest a man should stumble. It was to be un-intelligent. It was to be one step above the animals. It crushed my heart, even as a young girl. And I asked God why did I have to be a woman, why did he curse me this way? BUT, when I finally saw God, I understood that he never saw me that way. I AM A WOMAN. I am his precious child. My body can create and carry life. I am a jewel on my husband’s crown. I am an advisor to him. I speak wisdom, which God imparts to me also! I am gentle, with my strength under control. I direct my household with care and intention. My emotions strengthen my convictions and my actions. MY FEMININITY IS MY HONOR AND STRENGTH

This was one of my favourite dresses as a child. We had many dresses growing up, but a dress made of two different colour fabrics was still rare in our Mennonite community as it was considered incredibly vain and sinful. But the blue and white, I loved it. It took me a long time to look at photos of me as a child without feeling intense disgust. I was conditioned to understand that I was nothing but an evil, fat troubled girl. My mother’s favourite adjectives for me, as young as I can remember were WHORE and SLUT. I was a seductress, who was horribly jealous of her. But I wasn’t any of those things, I know that now. I came to know Christ at 18, and now at 29 I finally understand that I am worthy of love. I can now look at photos of myself as a young girl, and I love her, and I wish I could meet her in her time and protect her. My mother’s words have lost their sting. I forgave her, and I forgave myself. I grieved the Mother I wanted and accepted the one I had. I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE KING

The first place I encountered evil was in the eyes of my mother. From the age of 4, I spent my days trying to convince my Mom that I wasn’t all the things she accused me of being. A whore, trying to seduce my Father away from her. Slut. Liar. A burden in her life and the thorn in her side. The anchor that kept her from living the life she really wanted. The chaos that drove conflict in every area of her life. But I wasn’t any of those things. I was just a little girl in a floral dress, looking up and reaching my hands out to a woman who spewed venom and hatred into my soul. When the person that God assigned to steward and love you, instead, abuses, neglects and rejects you, yeah, that messes you up. I grew up to be really angry. I think at the end of the day, being her scapegoat made me want that fairytale mother-daughter relationship with her even more. Even though I would have never acknowledged that back in the day. The yearning that I had for my mother to really see and love me manifested itself in rage. Rage at myself, my mother and the world. Hiding from your emotions will not make them go away - in fact the more energy you spend running from them, the more they will control you. You will spend so much energy into being who you THINK you should be, you will get lost in the illusion, and when reality hits, you'll have a mountain of emotional garbage behind a door waiting for you. TIME TO CLEAN OUT THE CLOSET. I spent 20 years surviving my mother and 10 years healing from her - Who am I now and who do I want to be, apart from her?