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insecurity

Aj jab main ahmad ky sath call pr thi and ham uska content plan kar rahy thy main us ko keh rahi ky content weak hai energy nai hai bikul bhi motivated lagny ki bajaye tum demotivated zayada lag rahy ho to us ny bola ky noor main camera shy hun bht zayada and introvert hun

Even uska friend circle bht chota hai and ik ye sach hai jab lahore hamari es related meeting hoi thi tab bhi wo chup chup tha he don’t talk much jo mery hisab sy normal thy bht log hoty hain khamosh tabiyat ky

But then he said ky i have some insecurities jis ki wja sy main room sy nai nikalta and all that

And i kept thinking ky whats the reason of having insecurities?

Kafi time pehly almost 2 3 saal pehly mujhe bht acne thi bht zayada wali and i started covering my face clg main bhi and family events main bhi and main bolti thi ky main parda karti hun jo ky main nai karti thi main ny kabhi es cheez ky bary main sudy tak nai kiya tha i was insecure mujhe yad hai mujhe bully kiya jata tha school for having short hairs i don’t like to grow my hairs mery baal mery shoulders sy neechy kabhi nai jany diye main ny main kaat deti hun unko

And ye cheez meri bht bari insecurity bana di us cheez ko mention kar kar ky why you have short hairs jin why you have acne on your face khayal rakha karo jis ko acne hoti hai us ki shaddi nai hoti jin ky baal choty hain un ki shaddi nai hoti like excuse me????i’m 14 years old and you are telling me ky meri shaddi nai ho ge i still think about it and laugh ky kash main us time bol deti jiski inti zaban chalti hai uski bhi nai hoi but nvm

Later mera vlg khatam ho gaya main practical life ki taraf aa gai logon sy milna kam kar dia acne khud hi heal hona shuru ho gai also main thori si active bhi ho gai serious bhi ho gai and i realized i have no right to hate any part of me jis ko Allah ny banaya hai us,i have no right ky main Allah jee ki banai cheez main nukz niaklun just because kuch logon ko main achi nai lagi

Mujhe bht logon ny bola acne hai so i started hating my skin mery baal choty hain so i started hating my hairs

Main ny negative cheezon pr kyu ghor kiya mujhe bht logon ny ye bhi to bola tha ky unko meri ankhen kitni pasand hain main ny wo kyu nai dekha kyu nai kia apni ankhon sy payar

Main ab kehti hun ky main allah jee ki favorite hun kyu ky janwar mujhe sy payar karty hain mery pass stary cats bhi aa ky payar leti hain hamary ghar ek bakri hai main us ky pass jaun wo god main sar rakhti hai mery sy bachy payar karty hain main lahore gai metro main jitny bachon ky sath main ny khela hai shayad kisi ny kehla ho park main bachon ky sath kehlti hun family gatherings main kisi ki chughli ky bajaye bachon ky sah hoti hun i had so much reasons to love my whole existence yet i chose to hate myself just because someone had a wrong opinion about me

Aur es sb ka conclusion main ny yahi nikala ky insecurity kuch nai hota ye ap ky apny ander hai ky ap ko allah sy aur uski banai cheezeon sy kitni mohabat hai jahan log apko apky bary main 10 buri baten bataty hain wahan agar ap ek achi cheez bhi khud main dhoond len gy to sukoon main rahty hain

And funny how people are insecure about their looks but not their character

Too mucch ho gaya too much bol lia byeeeee

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insecurity