Individuality · Expert Coach Certification

Individuality

In December I reached out to my foster mom to work at restoring a connection and heal the disconnect. She had cut me out when my foster brother, whom she adopted, passed from a brain tumor. I had also set up a gofundme for him & his fiance a year before his passing to help them through his journey. They were both open to it and their friends were glad to help.

She and I had our communication & relationship started to break down prior to this. She blocked me on social media and stopped communicating altogether and I never understood why, I wasn't invited to his memorial. My sister, foster sister whom she adopted as well, was told to choose a side and stop communicating with me. She resisted and it has caused a bit of a riff between them, I'm thankful she didn't.

I sent a recorded message to build a bridge so we could reconnect, heal the damaged relationship and move forward. She didn't want to connect by phone and so I asked for her email to send a recorded message. I sent it got a reply stating I said a lot of things but what I failed to realize the reason for her blocking me was over the gofundme page. She took it personally and was offended by this.

My brother passed on 2021 and we haven't spoke prior to this. He and his fiance had broken up before he went on palliative care, which he then decided to move closer to both my sister and foster mom. I fully supported him as I wanted him to do his end of life care on his terms.

In the email Judy said what I failed to realize was the amount of the money that was donated didn't add up to the money she had been sending to Mike to help during his cancer treatment. It was also the reason for stopping communication with me as I didn't recognize what she was doing support Mike. I didn't take this into consideration.

I sat with this for a bit and then realized something I had allowed in our relationship up until this point. Emotional manipulation. Because after saying all of this she ended it with I miss my daughter.

It wasn't my choice to end communication. I'm not the one who blocked and said to family members to choose a side. This was her. And on this moment of trying to reconnect I saw that if I allowed myself to feel the guilt & shame being projected onto me, then our relationship could be healed. I couldn't accept this and won't accept this.

So I replied back by email explaining I was trying to build a bridge to reconnect, discuss and heal our broken relationship. But I also realize that I will continue to be shamed and guilty for I will just leave this here and I won't attempt contacting again. I will always love you and be thankful for she had helped me when I was 14, and that I don't feel any shame or remorse for how I helped Mike during his early stages of treatment.

She never replied and I don't believe she will.

What doing this did help me to see is how much unresolved trauma, survival mode and the way I have maneuvered through life to be accepted showed me what I thought love was. Because I grew up in survival mode and there are those of us who do.

For almost 2months I have exploring & discovering my values personally, business, as a coach and politically. It has been an amazing discovery of individuality, curiosity, empathy and understanding.

I am grateful because this coaching program helped me to be open to the internal discovery that I was looking for, but wasn't getting. It makes me smile because I've created a human that makes me proud being. Thank you Ed 💗 Forever grateful 🙏

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