Assumptions and Abuse · Expert Coach Certification

Apr '25 (edited) • All Members Post Here

Assumptions and Abuse

I’m working with a new client group age 45+ and the topic of assumptions and abuse came up this week. Assumptions can be a quiet weapon in abuse.

People often assume that if you stayed, it wasn’t “that bad.”They assume you were weak.They assume you could have just left.They assume they would’ve handled it differently.But assumption is a form of ignorance and sometimes, it becomes part of the abuse itself. Also when assumptions turn inward, they often become self-accusations, and that can be just as damaging as external abuse, leading to anxiety, low self-worth, shame and guilt.

In abusive dynamics, assumptions:

Silence victims
Shame survivors
And protect perpetrators

Assumptions stop people from asking real questions.They keep systems blind.And they make healing harder for those who’ve already been through enough.

Assumptions are not truth. And they are not harmless, instead they can be harmful.

If you don’t know someone’s story, don’t fill in the gaps, hold space instead. Because behind every assumption is a real person who deserves to be seen, heard and believed.

Assumptions are someone else’s insecurity.

Women over 45, have lived enough life to know this: People will assume.They’ll assume who you are, what you’ve done, what you should’ve done, what they think you have done, what you’ve said, what you didn’t say, what they think you have said and what you’re capable of without ever knowing your story.

But here’s what I’ve learned and what I teach the women I work with: Assumptions are rooted in someone else’s limited view and not your reality.They are often the voice of low self-esteem, fear, or even jealousy. And we don’t need to make room for any of that.

At this stage in life, we don’t chase validation.We move with clarity.We heal, we rise and we walk in unapologetic truth.

I concluded our group session with, let them assume. While they’re busy making up stories, you’ll be busy living your best life and fulfilling your purpose.

But here’s the truth: I used to question assumptions, question my truth and my reality. My ex husband’s family always sided with him, Perhaps she did this or said A, B or C. He couldn’t possibly be as she said.

Then I would question myself: Did I? Perhaps? Maybe I did? Or maybe I didn’t? ( actually assumptions are similar to gaslighting) Until I realised that assumptions are rooted in limitation, projection and fear. They were not my responsibility to carry.

As far as I’m concerned, assumption is a reflection of low self-esteem and I have no time for it. I know who I am now and I refuse to shrink to fit someone else’s made-up story.

I stay rooted in truth, I walk in confidence.

So let the noise fade.

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