Jun 12 • Free Series
Teaching Your Child To Name What They Feel
You cannot regulate what you cannot identify.
Most children and honestly most adults walk around with a constant undercurrent of feeling that they have never been given words for.
So instead of saying 'I feel overwhelmed', they slam a door.
Instead of saying 'I feel embarrassed', they shut down completely.
Instead of saying 'I feel left out', they act out at school.
Instead of saying 'I feel scared', they rage.
The behavior is not the problem. The behavior is the communication. And the reason they are communicating with their behavior instead of their words is because nobody gave them the words.
Today we fix that.
THE FEELINGS VOCABULARY — BY AGE
AGES 2–4 — Start Simple:
Happy. Sad. Mad. Scared. Surprised. Silly.
That is enough for this age. Do not overwhelm them. Just name it when you see it.
'You look mad right now. Is that what you're feeling?' Let them confirm or correct.
'It looks like you might be scared. That's okay. I'm right here.'
The goal is to build the habit of NAMING before reacting.
AGES 5–8 — Go Deeper:
Add words like: frustrated, nervous, excited, embarrassed, left out, proud, disappointed, confused, overwhelmed, lonely.
Play a feelings guessing game. Show them a face — real or in a book — and ask what feeling they see.
When they act out ask: 'What happened right before you felt like doing that?' Teach them to trace the feeling back.
AGES 9–12 — Get Specific:
Now they can handle nuance. Introduce words like: anxious, humiliated, resentful, jealous, hopeful, insecure, grateful, conflicted.
Ask bigger questions: 'What did that situation bring up for you?' 'What were you afraid was going to happen?'
Help them see that most big reactions come from smaller feelings that were ignored too long.
TEENS — Make It a Conversation:
Stop asking 'how was your day.' Start asking 'what was the best moment and the hardest moment today?'
Introduce the concept that one situation can produce multiple feelings at the same time. 'You can be excited AND nervous about the same thing. Both are real.'
Teach them: feelings are information. Not instructions. Just because you feel something doesn't mean you act on it.
PRACTICAL TOOLS TO USE AT HOME TONIGHT
The Feelings Check-In:
Every evening at dinner or bedtime ask: 'What feeling did you feel the most today?' Make it normal. Make it routine. No pressure to fix it, just name it.
The Feelings Chart:
Print my feels chart below. For younger children point to the face that matches. For older children write the word. Keep it somewhere visible in your home.
The Body Check:
Teach your child that feelings live in the body before they live in words. 'Where do you feel mad? Does your chest get tight? Do your hands make fists? Does your stomach hurt?' Teaching them to read their own body gives them a warning system before the explosion happens.
Model It Yourself:
Say your feelings out loud. 'Mom is feeling frustrated right now because traffic was bad. I'm going to take a breath before I respond.' That five second moment teaches your child more than any lesson you could give them.
BUT LET ME BE CLEAR ABOUT SOMETHING
Naming the feeling is the first step. It is not the last step.
When your child says 'I'm mad', that does not mean they get to throw something.
When your child says 'I'm frustrated' ,that does not mean they get to disrespect you.
When your child says 'I don't feel like it', that does not excuse them from their responsibility.
We teach our children to name their feelings so they can MANAGE them. Not so they can USE them as a reason to do whatever they want.
You acknowledge the feeling AND you hold the standard.
'I hear you. You're frustrated. And the answer is still no.'
'I understand you're tired. And your room still needs to be cleaned.'
'I see that you're angry. You may not talk to me that way.'
Both things. Every time. Without apology.
That is how you raise a child who is emotionally intelligent AND character strong.
God gave us feelings as signals, not as rulers. Teach your child the difference.
13
11 comments
Teaching Your Child To Name What They Feel
skool.com/kingdom-university-1883
A welcoming faith-based hub for Kingdom parents, teens, and kids: Bible lessons, life skills, and emotional growth, all in one community.
Leaderboard (30-day)
1
+35
2
+34
3
+34
4
+33
5
+30
Powered by