I leave this post here as a reminder for the ones reading this in the future. Nothing in your life is set in stone. You can literally jump timelines. Your life can do a complete 180 degree turn for the better if you change internally.
To do that you must be in solitude without distractions for a couple of days. Only have a journal with you. This will cause your mind to bring up your true desires in life. You’ll gain clarity on what you need to do next. It can be helpful to first journal on the future you don’t want. Then think of the opposite of that. In solitude with nothing else to do, you’ll find answers to questions you never know you had.
Once the solitude period is over, you need to reschedule your weeks. Leave your old self behind, start fresh. Then just don’t look back and start doing everything differently by choice. It will feel unnatural at first but it’s necessary to rewire your behaviour.
I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.
-Eelis