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Oct 27 • Mental Health 🧠
🌱Lies We Believe About Ourselves (And How to Rewrite Them)
I was watching a video that / had posted in their community earlier about the power of love and how feeling loved/seen/valued has such an immense impact (nick vujicic--a motivational speaker who has no arms and legs was at the center of the video and delivered this powerful message). This video got me thinking about the power of beliefs and how they play out in what we do. I may have touched on this previously, but I thought I'd bring it up again because these beliefs run deep and have such profound impact! It's worth taking a look inside...
It’s incredible how our minds can tell stories that feel like truth. “I’m not enough.”,“If people really knew me, they’d leave.” etc...These statements can "feel" so true that we stop questioning them. (Remember the cognitive distortion of 'feelings as facts'? that's playing into this...this in addition to the reticular activating system at play taking in information that 'proves' it and we get a nice messy soup of sadness).
From a trauma lens, these beliefs are not flaws, but rather adaptations.They were protective beliefs that once helped us survive. They shaped how our brain and body learned to stay safe in unsafe or unpredictable environments. Even if the environments were safe/stable for the most part, we could have still ended up with some of these beliefs because cognitive development plays a role into how we process information.
🧠 What’s Happening in the Brain
When old self-beliefs linger, the amygdala (our brain’s alarm system) stays alert, scanning for danger. The hippocampus ties these thoughts to past experiences. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex (the reasoning part) often gets overridden by emotional memories. The emotional memories win out.
Healing happens when we help these systems reconnect.Soothing the body allows the prefrontal cortex to come back online, making space for new, compassionate truths. In essence, we are not “fixing” ourselves — we are rewiring for safety. We are rewiring to our core selves..
💔 Common Lies We Tell Ourselves (CAVEAT--the reasonings behind this aren't always cut and dry, sometimes people live in fairly good environments where no traumas (in the clinical sense) took place and people can still end up with these beliefs)
1. “I’m not enough.”-Usually born from comparison or early emotional neglect.. It fuels perfectionism instead of peace. It fuels performative action in order to prove one's worth. Symptoms of anxiety and/or depression can be present.
2. “I don’t deserve good things.”When chaos was normal, calm can feel unsafe. Healing teaches the body that peace is allowed.
3. “If people really knew me, they’d leave.”-A voice of shame. Vulnerability in safe relationships can help repair that fear. Fear of rejection is abundant under this one. this one also ties in to the I'm not enough belief.
4. “I have to do everything on my own.”: A survival belief. This is either learned because parents taught that this is the case and were also hyperindependent or because when something was needed, there was no one there that was of help. Independence was once protection, but interdependence is healing.
5. “My needs are a burden.”Often learned through inconsistent care but throough other experiences as well. Someone could feel inconvenienced and make that inconvenience evident--they're entitled to that feeling/experience but depending on the person that's needing the help, it could be a trigger for a thought/belief like this. Healthy relationships welcome your needs.
6. “Change isn’t possible for me.”Hopelessness is a symptom, not truth. Neuroplasticity means your brain can change through repeated safety..
7. “I’m too much.” Often formed when emotions were dismissed or minimized. You were never too much, you just needed more understanding.
🌤 How to Begin Rewriting the Lies
1. Name it without judgment--“I’m noticing the thought ‘I’m not enough.’” ; "The story that I'm telling myself about this situation is _______" Naming creates space between you and the belief. That space is where healing begins.
2. Identify what it was protecting--Every “lie” had a purpose. Ask yourself: “What was this belief protecting me from?”Often, the answer is rejection, shame, or abandonment. :(
3. Offer compassion before correction--Before changing the thought, validate it: “It makes sense that I learned to think this way.” "This is an old story that kept me safe" This calms the nervous system and invites safety into the healing process.
4. Create a bridge statement---Instead of forcing affirmations that feel fake, try gentle transitions:
“I’m open to the idea that I am enough.”
“Maybe I can learn to trust myself.”
“It’s possible that safety is available to me.”Your brain integrates what feels believable.
5. Pair new truths with embodied safety---Healing happens through both body and mind.
- Take a deep breath and let your shoulders drop
-Feel your feet grounded on the floor
-Notice moments of warmth, stillness, or connection
Each calm moment teaches your nervous system that the new truth is safe (GIVE YOURSELF TIME! Practice these moments but don't have expectations that things will just shift. Sometimes they do shift, but most of the time we need to live the new truth out before it can take hold....those are neural pathways that we're shifting--it's going to feel uncomfortable because we're creating new paths!)
✨ Reframing in Real Time
-“I’m not enough” → “I am learning to see my worth beyond performance.”
-“My needs are a burden” → “My needs matter and deserve space.”
-"I can’t change” → “Change takes time, and I’m already doing it.”
***Small shifts repeated consistently begin to rewire neural pathways*** Yes, I said it above, but I'm saying it again because this will take time..we're making new grooves in the brain!
Question to ponder:
What’s one belief you’ve carried that might not actually be true?How might your life look if you replaced it with a kinder truth?
I'm not enough
I'm unlovable; If people really knew me, they'd leave
I don't deserve good things
I have to do everything on my own; People will let me down/can't be trusted
My needs are a burden; I'm a burden; I don't want to burden anyone
I'm too much
Change isn't possible for me/ things will never get better
I'm a failure
Other
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🌱Lies We Believe About Ourselves (And How to Rewrite Them)
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