☀️ Emotional Bypassing Type #3: Positive or Spiritual Bypassing

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18d (edited) • Intellectual/Personal Growth💡

So far we've described emotional-bypassing as a general concept and 2 different types- intellectualizing and productivity . Today we'll focus on the utilization of positivity or spiritual bypassing which is the misuse of spiritual beliefs, practices, or ideas to avoid dealing with painful emotions, unresolved psychological wounds, or personal developmental tasks.

This is a type of bypassing that at times sounds enlightened and like healing/grounding but feels dsconnected and can be used as armor. Statements like "everything happens for a reason" "choose joy" "pain is an illusion" "I should be grateful" "look for the silver lining" "Look at the positive" are potential examples. Note: these are not NECESSARILY negative-they're only problematic when they're used as avoidance strategies.

WHY it develops:

-avoidance (this is a pattern for all of these): pain can feel overwhelming / destabilizing, so we jump to meaning-making before fully feeling.

-it can be a corrupt version of cognitive reframing (healthy reframing helps regulate emotions but bypassing type of reframing dismisses them) Examples: anger turns into " I shouldn't judge", sadness into "I should be grateful", Hurt to "i must have attracted this" or "evertyhing happens for a reason", etc etc)

***-control through meaning: spiritual frameworks can restore order in chaos.If everything is part of a divine plan, then that can feel calming to the system and it can also create a sense of passivity both internally and externally***

-identity attachment: being “the positive one,” “the grounded one,” or “the spiritually evolved one” can become part of self-worth. I'm guilty of "the positive one" aspect and can sometimes feel derailed when I'm not in a positive state Admitting certain emotions can feel like spiritual/character failure. It can also be a way of hiding insecurities.

-We keep doing it because it works both socially and internally: it reduces emotional intensity fairly quickly, it can preserve a sense of control, it can avoid relational conflict/maintain "harmony", it maintains group belonging in spiritual/growth-focused communities, and it can keep us feeling "advanced" instead of vulnerable/humble. And....doesn't being the "calm, positive, wise one" feel so much safer and better sounding than being the "messy" one?

GOOD NEWS:

Spirituality and positive thinking can support resilience and increase hope, encourage perspective, reduce rumination, strengthen meaning-making, promote forgiveness and compassion. It can reduce despair and allow for action/forward movement to take place.

NOT SO GREAT NEWS:

When used as emotional bypassing, emotions get suppressed instead of being processed, anger gets spiritualized instead of expressed, boundaries get bypassed in the name of “love and light" and "compassion" and harmful dynamics get tolerated. Additionally, shame increases (“Why can’t I just rise above this?”)aaaaand authentic connection decreases. This authentic connection piece is a thread in all of them.

SIGNS WE MAY BE AVOIDING:

Rushing to lessons before allowing grief, struggling to validate others’ pain without reframing it, feeling uncomfortable around “negative” emotions, minimizing our own hurt with gratitude statements, avoiding difficult conversations by saying “It’s all good.”, thinking that if we are emotionally struggling therefore we are spiritually regressing.

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POLL: Which resonates most?

QUESTION to ponder: Do you have a "go to" phrase that helps move you through a tough moment? Is it 100% helpful or are there parts of it that are being used to emotionally bypass?

ACTION:

The next time something painful happens, before finding the lesson or just jumping straight to gratitude, name the emotion first.

My spirituality/positive thinking helps me feel more deeply, not less

I sometimes reframe too quickly

I feel pressure to stay positive in hard moments

I’ve avoided conflict in the name of peace.

I don't relate to any of this

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