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17d (edited) • Relational Health 💕
Savior Tendencies-Codependent No More
Codependency is a topic that comes up a lot and I was so surprised that I hadn't made a post about it yet.
Codependency is a relationship pattern where one person becomes overly responsible for another person's emotions, needs, or decisions. It can feel like deep caring, loyalty, or devotion, but below the surface it often creates imbalance and emotional strain. Often it's a relationship dynamic where one person becomes the "giver" sacrificing their own needs/wellbeing for the sake of the other "the taker".
🚩Common Signs of Codependency
-Feeling responsible for other people's feelings
-Difficulty saying no even when you want to; doing things you don't want to to make the other person happy
-Anxiety when someone is upset with you
-Seeking validation through being helpful or indispensable; excessive need to get approval
-Prioritizing others consistently at the expense of yourself; ignoring/minimizing your own feelings; tendency to neglect your own desires and needs
-Feeling guilty when taking time for your needs
-Staying in relationships that leave you depleted
-A tendency to apologize or take the blame to keep the peace and avoid conflict
-Changing your mood to reflect how others feel or behave
-Excessive concern about that person’s habits or behaviors
-Experiencing guilt or anxiety when doing something for yourself
-A sense of self-worth and self-esteem that depends on what others think of you
-Taking on more work than you can handle to lighten someone else’s load
These patterns often begin subtly. Many people do not recognize codependency until they feel resentment, chronic stress, or a loss of personal identity.
🗺Where Codependency Comes From
Codependency is frequently rooted in early experiences where emotional stability depended on your behavior. Common origins include:
• Growing up with a parent whose moods you had to manage
• Environments where your needs were minimized or ignored
• Learning that belonging required self sacrifice
• Being praised for caretaking more than authenticity
Cultural norms can reinforce it as well, especially in families or communities that equate self neglect with virtue. (perhaps this is something to return to at some point!).
🌼 How to Begin Untangling from Codependency
Healing from codependency is not about shutting down care but rather its about restoring a sense of balance and also a sense of self. There's a tendency to 'lose' oneself when one is in codependent dynamics.
Here are helpful practices:
1. Build awareness--Notice where guilt or fear drives your choices instead of genuine desire
2. Practice saying no--Small, respectful boundaries create space for healthier relationships
3. Support without absorbing-You can sit with someone in their feelings without carrying them (this is boundaries with oneself)
4. Reconnect with your needs-Your preferences and limits are valid. Its not needy to have needs. It's okay to have a voice.
5. Allow others to own their emotions-Their reactions belong to them. Caring does not require rescuing. (there's a savior complex that can come along with this..maybe more on this in the future too)
6. Seek reciprocal relationships-Healthy connection involves shared responsibility and emotional give and take
7. Consider therapeutic support-Therapy can help you understand the roots of codependency and build new patterns. Talking to people that have experienced this or participating in groups can also help.
(In households where there is addiction, codependency often shows up...there are groups that can also help with this)
💬 Question to ponder:
Any thoughts about this? What are some healthy boundaries that you're working on?
Some resources:
Book: Codependent No More (Melody Beattie)
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Savior Tendencies-Codependent No More
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