3d • Just Checking In
Missed Check in
I failed to check in yesterday after having said I would each day until the 25th. Why?
Firstly the easy logistical answer is I forgot to add it to my physical written to do list. And I could say "I will remember to add it going forwards" but that would just paper over the crack.
The deeper message here is that I was prioritising pleasing other people and getting their validation. I was worried about making sure my partner was okay and was not upset at me. I was worried about an MKP call happening later that evening that I wanted to be impressive at and was also afraid of attending. I let my desire to seek validation, fuelled by my belief that others can actually provide that validation get in my way and take me off mission for the day. And I felt that the whole way through.
It is an old and well worn wound for me and one I know well and was conditioned into growing up. But it is also a wound that only I can heal now as an adult and one that I must heal in order to grow and progress. And I am hoping this is the year to do it.
What can I do to serve myself instead? I can write. I can do my art-form today and give it 110% just like I wasn't going to until I wrote this. And in doing so I can show up for myself and not seek validation from outside, but inside me. And I can say no the next time someone or something tries to distract me from that. No matter how scary that feeling is.
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Missed Check in
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