What I've learned in PTSD & c-PTSD recovery over the last year (and throughout my life):

Hey ya'll! Today was sort of my coming-out party. I finally posted some of this truth on my personal Facebook page. It was time for me to speak. I have been flooded with private messages over the last 3 hours since posting it. So many women are stuck in narcissistic relationship patterns.

What I've learned in PTSD & c-PTSD recovery over the last year (and throughout my life):

1) Trauma is stored in your body. Many ailments, whether that is an autoimmune disease or a mental illness, come from unprocessed trauma.

2) Somatic exercises work! Sometimes we have to come down from our spiritual highs and learn how to tap into our bodies to hear what they're trying to say. Doing somatic exercises like body scanning can really help take you deeper into releasing some of this stored trauma.

Most of the time, we are completely unaware of what we are not dealing with because it is in our subconscious. But our body knows and it manifests as sicknesses. If you are having pain or issues in a certain area of your body, most likely it is connected to an unresolved issue or trauma. Body scanning, while asking the Holy Spirit to highlight what may be behind a specific pain, can reveal things you never would have even thought of before. Don't bypass your pain; you need to feel it to heal it.

3) Grounding or Earthing - Connecting with nature has been scientifically proven to calm anxiety, cleanse your blood and so much more. Spending time every day outside barefoot in nature and in the sun is healing. If you can't do this every day, find other ways to ground. This really helps you to integrate with your body instead of distancing yourself from the pain. Remember, Jesus spent a lot of his time in nature. He meditated every morning, sometimes sitting under olive trees. Even "Jesus sandals" help to ground us more, unlike the thick synthetic soles on our shoes today. Jesus and the disciples spent plenty of time barefoot and they had to have their feet washed off when entering homes because they were covered in dirt! Go get in the dirt! Nature is of God and You are of Nature! We were made from the dust of the earth, we are part of the earth. In our modern day and age, we have been so disconnected from nature, we need to get back to our original design.

4) Prayer and Meditation - Not only the typical prayers, requests and supplications, but actual meditation. Whether that is meditating on one specific scripture while soaking to worship or instrumental music as you just listen to the Holy Spirit and your subconscious. Or it's using a guided meditation to help you go deeper into understanding what's going on under the surface.

When I was a child and teenager, I used to sit staring at my candle flame. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this was one of the things that kept me grounded and helped me process while I was being severely abused. I only knew that it was very comforting as a kid. This is a meditation that can be used with any object to help strengthen your frame rather than be scattered by brain fog and dizziness that can come from cognitive dissonance during narcissistic abuse.

Over the years, I have used this type of meditation with scriptures and sayings that really spoke to me. I would put them on sticky notes and put them on my bathroom mirror so it was the first thing I meditated on when I woke up. In my car, so that I was reminded to meditate on it while driving to work. And at my computer, so that throughout my day I would take time to stare at the sticky note and meditate for a few minutes. This practice has been helpful through many different seasons in my life.

5) Journaling - I've been journaling since I am a child and I still have them all! They are my prized possessions. It has been one of the greatest therapies and superpowers in my life! Journaling your dreams, visions, thoughts and prayers can help you decipher the meaning of some of these things, as well as, help you during a time of confusion. When you keep notes and go back and review them, you can start to see patterns in yourself, or in your relationships/others. This helps keep you sane, especially if it turns out you are in a relationship with a narcissist.

6) Gratitude - I end every evening with a time of gratitude. With thankfulness in my heart, I speak to God about the things I am grateful for that happened that day. In general, I try to have my heart filled with gratitude as I go about my day, and as I look at other people.

7) Fasting - I've lived a life of fasting. Not just intermittent fasting, but quarterly, I do 7-10 day fasts (mostly liquid). This is a wholistic fast, as in, it's not just a food fast, but I also don't watch TV or spend time on social media, etc. I fast so that my mind, body, soul and spirit may come into alignment. This has been one of the most amazing spiritual practices of my life that I've been doing it for more than 30 years. The scientifically proven benefits of fasting range from health and medical benefits (ie. detoxing) to spiritual benefits (clarity).

8 ) Review and Self-introspection - Every New Year's (Rosh Hashanah and January and/or during my fasts) I look back over the last year and I do some self-introspection. I review my journals and I take spiritual inventory of where I am at. This really helps to see areas that you can grow in more, things you may need to leave behind and/or what has happened for me most of the time, is, realizing how many amazing things happened in the last year even when I thought it was a difficult year or I was stuck in depression. When I reviewed my journals, I was reminded of all the things I had gratitude for throughout the year, instead of listening to the narcissist in my life telling me that there was something wrong with me all the time, I was able to see the truth about how beautiful my life really was!

Last year, when certain things were revealed to me about very important loved ones in my life, I spent a lot of time grieving. I grieved the fact that I blindly stood up for these people, was loyal to them, only to find out they were actually abusive and manipulative. I realized that I had been a "flying monkey" and in some ways an accomplice (by turning a blind eye) to their abuse of other people. Sure, I didn't know what they were doing, but once I did I grieved the fact that I too may have hurt people. I spent a lot of time reaching out to some of those people and apologizing for any part I may have played in the abuse they endured by these other people, of whom I, too, had loved and trusted.

I also realized that while I was in survival mode, I hurt some people on my own accord back in the day and I've reached out to the ones I have wronged (only one person I couldn't get in contact with but I'm still trying!). This really helped me to be able to forgive myself and stop living in shame for the mistakes I had made.[BTW: If I have hurt you in any way and you would like to talk about it, feel free to private message me.]

Anyone who knows me well knows that this is something I have always done. I may not have always done it right, but I have sat down with many people in my life to have crucial conversations about an incident or our relationship. Since a young child in middle school, I have always been a mediator, and I have tried to do that in my own life with my relationships. I always try to put myself in other people's shoes instead of just judging them. Many friendships that I still have today are because of these moments.

During the worldwide pandemic, I was blessed to be able to do this with my father and my brothers. I had that time with my dad where I was able to thank him for what he has done for me in my life and speak to him about my concern over his health (this is before he was diagnosed with Dementia). I am grateful that I had that time with him, before he couldn't remember anything anymore and passed away in 2024. The same with my Grandmother, I had so many times with her where we were able to sit down and be real with each other, she was always receptive, even though she was my elder.

I am so grateful that instead of worrying about doing everything right, I made the attempt to show my heart and try to heal or mend relationships. Most people have been very receptive and have come to me later on telling me how much they appreciated it, even if I was nervous and my energy was a little intense! 😂

Then there are those people who take these moments and chalk it up to them being a great person, being that YOU were the one who came to THEM. They take vulnerability and forgiveness as a license to treat you even worse and use things as ammunition against you to hurt you. They never do any self-introspection and just always expect everyone else to bite their tongue and be the "bigger person." Sometimes, you may make attempts at reconciliation with the person for 30 years, and they still have no self-awareness. But praise God, in my experience, that has only been very few people out of the 100's of really great relationships I've had. So don't let the outcome deter you from expressing your heart and doing what is right. Don't allow the few bad seeds to spoil all your relationships or your own soul.

9) Listen - When therapists for years have all said the same thing to you, "It's not you," "It's not your fault," "Stop taking accountability for other people's actions," LISTEN TO THEM!!!! It took me 30 years to finally get what they were saying! I was so programmed to think everything was my fault that I could never believe that it was actually the other person. I lived a life of depression and was suicidal at the age of 12 because I was told that everything was my fault. But every therapist and counselor told me the same thing (I've been going to therapy since I was 12, thanks to my friend's parents for the help).

Finally, in 2023 when I was diagnosed with PTSD and my psychiatrist told me it wasn't me and that I was being abused and manipulated, I GOT IT! It was actually extremely scary to realize how deep the abuse and deception really was. I mean the physical abuse was obvious but gaslighting literally makes people go crazy.

When you keep on hearing the same thing over and over from different people, especially multiple counselors and therapists, BELIEVE THEM! Take what they are saying and really look at it from all angles. Don't just blindly keep on taking responsibility for other people's actions just because you love them, because in reality, that isn't love, that's a trauma bond.

This will also help you to trust and listen to your own intuition again. If you have experienced extreme narcissistic abuse, part of the abuse is getting you not to trust yourself. Learning how to listen and trust yourself again is a major part of the healing journey.

10) Forgiveness - we all hear about how we need to forgive 70 x 7, however, forgiveness is not reconciliation and we sometimes get this confused. This purposeful confusion is why I was stuck in narcissistic webs for many years. I just kept on forgiving them, even though there was never any repentance, remorse, or regret, only justification and excuses.

Forgiveness does not absolve the other person of their actions; that can only be done by God. It helps you to unhook yourself from being tied to the pain that came from their actions. By forgiving them, you can let them go, instead of carrying bitterness and resentment which allows their ugliness to make you ugly.

Forgiveness does not mean you need to stay in a relationship with unrepentant people, no matter who they are. Forgiveness means you cut the strings and let them go.

The biggest part of healing for me was learning to forgive myself for letting others mistreat me. Instead of being hurt by the fact that no one protected me, I had to forgive myself for not protecting myself. Even though it was due to my unconscious programming, I didn't realize that I was allowing their mistreatment, and the only way to stop it was to forgive myself, individuate and institute strong boundaries. No one can do that for you, you need to do it for yourself.

11) Individuation and Boundaries - growing up in what I thought was a "close" family, I never realized that I had absolutely no autonomy over myself. I thought since I was on my own since I was 18 that I was completely independent. But enmeshment has a way of blurring lines and boundaries and you sometimes don't know where you end and someone else begins. This is not healthy.

Every human being has their own autonomy as given to them by God, not their parents. It's very difficult to recognize these things (unless you are the scapegoat of the family). True Love, Trust and Loyalty is not blind, it's actually very aware, it holds each other accountable and lives on a two-way street called respect.

We can also see this in spiritual communities. We are all ONE in God and sometimes we lose ourselves in the collective. One of the great mysteries of God is that we are all ONE yet at the same time completely separate individual beings who each will have to account for their own thoughts, words and actions. Sometimes we overspiritualize things and this has allowed many narcissistic leaders to take advantage of those who love God and want to be of service.

By learning how to individuate from others, especially your family, you can learn to have clear boundaries and finally have that autonomy God gave you. Remember no one is above you but God and no one is below you. Every human being is your EQUAL. If someone else can't respect your autonomy (I've had people tell me that they have a right over my body just because I am in their house , or others feed me things I am allergic to because they didn't believe me), then you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. In fact if they violate your body in any way, that is actually a crime.

12) Self-love and Self-care - Yes I said it! I don't know why so many people demonize these things. How are you supposed to love your neighbor as you love yourself or treat others how you want to be treated if you don't really know what self-love and care are! This is beyond the basic maintenance or spa days. It is wholistic in nature and includes all of the above in addition to taking care of what goes in and on your physical body. It includes nutrition, movement and exercise, skin care, nervous system regulation, etc. I did a whole lot of dancing through the pain since 2023. This helped get so much stuck trauma out of my body. This is already long so I will leave more of what I have been doing in this area for a separate post.

13) Create - We are part of creation and at the same time co-creators with God. Learn how to follow your bliss and create. For some that might be music, drawing, writing, photography, crafts, you name it. I believe it is part of our divine calling to create. Being blocked in this area is a good indication of there being some kind of block in one of the areas above.

14) Obviously, Trust in God over man. Don't worry about what other people think about you only worry about what God wants for you. And God wants you to be WHOLE!

What do you think? Does any of this resonate with you? Have you had similar experiences and realizations? I'm sure I have left things off the list, is there anything you would add?

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