Have you ever felt like you were on your own in life? That life was letting you down? That you couldn't ask anyone for help? Everyone has probably experienced this at least once or more. But the beauty of this is realizing that you are the foundation yourself, and that fundamentally, you are indeed on your own. To most of us, this doesn't sound very encouraging and might well evoke feelings of fear, sadness, or resistance. Which is understandable, because wouldn't we all want to fall back on something or someone when we are struggling and just don't know what to do anymore? In the past, as a child, you could do that with your parents. But as you get older, you probably start to realize that they don't know everything either, that they too have their own problems and unresolved traumas. Unfortunately, some children have parents they cannot rely on from a young age. And they learned back then that they had to do it alone, with all the consequences that entails. More information on that in another post. However, realizing more in adulthood that you sometimes stand alone can be a wonderful impetus for taking a step towards personal growth. These moments of feeling alone can help you turn inward and find and experience within yourself the support and strength you normally seek from others. People have so much more (inner) strength than they realize. And what is more beautiful than finding the strength in difficult moments to come to a solution yourself or to endure a difficult situation? Every time you succeed in doing this, you will be more present, and it will give you a boost in self-worth and self-confidence. You are the foundation of yourself; it sounds logical, but in practice, it often seems to be the opposite. People who constantly lean on others and thereby relinquish their responsibility and giving away their power. But also blame others when something happens to them or they are treated in a certain way. When someone touches you emotionally, you often blame the other person but forget to look at your own contribution. So instead of pointing the finger at the other person, reflect on what you could have done or said differently. And reflect on why it affected you so deeply.

The love between two people, the so-called romantic relationship, can vary greatly from moment to moment. Sometimes it is fully present, everything seems to be going perfectly, and the love radiates far beyond you. But sometimes it is subject to all kinds of triggers and old wounds being touched, and struggles to penetrate the person themselves. It feels as if it is no longer there, that the love has disappeared. Instead of love, you feel anger and frustration towards the other person. You feel misunderstood, that the other person is not taking you into account; you feel alone in the relationship. You mainly place the blame on the other person, because you know that you really are doing your best. What people often do when discussions or disagreements arise, especially when old wounds are touched, is talk at one another instead of engaging in a dialogue. Like two fists boxing against each other instead of clasping hands. Intense emotions take over and manifest primarily in everything the other person is doing wrong. In this way, the disagreement is not truly addressed or resolved. Therefore, there is a high chance that it will repeat itself. What people often forget is to express how they feel about the situation, what it does to them, and what it touches in them, without immediately pointing the finger at the other person. That is quite difficult to do, because it would mean looking at your own wounds and daring to talk about them as well. Which is very scary, because it requires making yourself vulnerable, which in turn requires feeling safe enough with the other person. Which is, of course, difficult in a situation where you feel misunderstood. And often, when there are intense emotions, it is much harder to return to your own place of safety. And when people are accused of something, they are quick to go on the counter-attack or defensive. It requires a great deal of calm, self-insight, and a willingness to deal with this in a good, constructive way. But most importantly, it is to talk about this with your partner—openness and honesty about yourself and about where your fears, triggers, and wounds lie. About what you feel when certain situations arise. In the beginning, it can be difficult to do this during a disagreement; try to find a moment when you are both a bit calmer and more centered. Above all, do not think, "Let it go”, because it will just keep building up. When you do talk about it, tell your partner what touches it and why. And when your partner speaks, try to really listen, give the other person real space without reacting immediately, offering solutions, or judging. If there is room to respond, respond from compassion and understanding, and ask questions when something isn't entirely clear. And of course, it may happen that you don't fully understand it because it doesn't apply to you personally, but do take it seriously.